My Bipolar is Driving Me Insane! Help!

This is the way my mind feels!  STOP THE INSANITY!!

 

I was just now sitting on my bed trying to decide what to do next.  I can’t seem to make a settled decision.  Do I take photos, do I make some jewelry, send out resumes, add items to my ebay – you name all these things and more that are going through my mind right now. So I’m writing.  I’m so broke.  I have bills to pay, but can’t.  I don’t get paid until next Friday – that’s a lot of time when you have to pay for gas, food, bills, etc.  I tried to get my cable bill lowered, but found out that it would only cost me 10.00 less to downgrade it.  If I was to discontinue service they will charge me a disconnect fee.  If I have them come get the box to downgrade my cable, they’ll charge me a fee, but if I take it there it’ll cost me nothing. 

I’m working part-time and it’s not enough money.  I collect unemployment but that’s not enough.  I desperately seeking other work. I’m too old to apply for a office job.  I still have my jewelry and my ebay business, but it’s slow.  If people would just buy things would look up.  I’m so confused that I don’t know what to do next.

Moving to North Carolina is something I really want to do, but I can’t with no money and I can’t save any.  I won’t even be able to fly around Christmas to see my new grand baby, because gas and airline prices are outrageous! 

My chest is hurting right now, and I feel like I’m going to climb out of my skin.  The more I think about these things the more my chest hurts.  I want a drink to make it all go away. 

I’m depressed and want to cry, my dog is driving me crazy! He wants attention that I just can’t give me right now.  I’m trying very hard to not go and get any wine.  Please God help me – someone help me. 

I can’t even afford to go to a doctor to get medication.  Cost too much.  What am I to do.  Kill myself?  I don’t want to do that, because I’ll never see my family again and I couldn’t do that to them.  But I’m tired.  Living with Bipolar, Hep C and addictions takes a lot out of a person.  I have no companion – just myself.  I wish I had someone close to me that could come over and comfort me.  I need a big hug.  Someone who understands me and can help.   I wish.

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15 thoughts on “My Bipolar is Driving Me Insane! Help!

  1. Your Friend says:

    Hi there!

    Thanks for the update. By the way, what great hospital are you going to? Perhaps you’ve already gone???

    Did a doctor or psychiatrist prescribe the Lithium for you? I am just amazed, as are others, that in your physical condition that you’d be on Lithium.

    I am glad, however, that you are doing better.

    Keep in touch.

    Your Friend

  2. Thanks for the link. I’m not going in the hospital I just go back for more blood redrawal and therapy. If I could just get the therapy and figure out why I do what I do that will take a big lift off my back. Bosses that I worked with in the past told I did that I did this and I just thought they were out to get me. Nothing wrong with me. HA! The main problem I have is not listening and comprehending it. Meaning they have to tell me again at some point. I hate it when a young person says, “Don’t you remember?” No, I don’t child! Wait until you get in your 50’s. Well I got that off my chest.

    I will stay in touch and let you know how things are going. Actually being on Lithium this week has been great. I just feel laid back and nothing seems to get me upset, except the 107 degree weather outside, oh, and let’s not forget the bill collectors. Have a great one!

  3. I don’t mind your comments. I appreciate them. Makes me think about my choices. I believe that I’m finally getting help. Just knowing that makes me feel better.

    Keep coming back!

  4. Your Friend says:

    Hi again!

    Just thought you should know that I posted an article on Lithium just for you. It’s at http://psychdrugs.wordpress.com. Someone already posted a comment. Here it is:

    “And nephrogenic diabetes insipidus in the majority of folks who take it long term–NDI causes frequent urination and increased thirst and long term damages the kidneys and can be permanent.

    Thanks for this great list. I have kidney failure from taking lithium as prescribed for 12 years, no one warned me of the dangers nor of the signs of toxicity. Anyone who takes it should be aware of the signs of toxicity including vomiting which I was told was not a sign of problems early on.

    Can’t imagine giving to someone with Hep. C. If they have liver damage from the Hep. C. and then get kidney damage too, oh my. What are they thinking?”

    I hope you find it helpful.

    Regards,
    Your Friend

  5. Your Friend says:

    Hi there! Thanks for the words of appreciation. I am afraid I haven’t made my point well enough. Before you take an drug you should do research first. Again I will do an additional article for you. Antidepressants and anti-psychotics are toxic. I can’t imagine you wanting to poison your body when you already have Hep C. KNOW BEFORE YOU GO!

    GENERAL WARNINGS AND STUDIES ON LITHIUM:

    Lithium is a mineral given in salt form. It is found in tiny amounts in minerals, water, plant, animal and human tissues. However, just because it is a naturally occurring substance, do not make the mistake of thinking it is safe.

    One of the most dangerous effects of lithium prescribed to patients is that in order to achieve a “sedating” effect, the “therapeutic” dosage that psychiatrists use is near toxic; i.e., so poisonous that it can cause serious harm or even death.102
    Medical experts state that the almost inevitable result of lithium not being metabolized is that it can lead to kidney damage. Lithium is even more hazardous when too much of it accumulates in the body and the toxicity from this can also lead to permanent brain damage and death.

    BRAND NAMES:
    Cibalith-S
    Eskalith
    Lithane
    Lithobid
    Lithonate
    Lithotabs
    Pfi-Lith

    SIDE EFFECTS:

    Birth defects if given to a pregnant woman
    Blackout spells
    Blurred vision
    Cardiac arrhythmia
    Coma
    Confusion
    Decreased appetite
    Diabetes
    Diarrhea
    Difficulty thinking
    Dizziness
    Drowsiness
    Frequent urination
    Hallucinations
    Incontinence
    Increased thirst
    Insomnia
    Lethargy
    Lightheadedness
    Muscle twitches
    Nausea
    Restlessness
    Seizures
    Sexual problems
    Slowed intellectual
    functioning
    Stupor
    Swelling of ankles and
    wrists
    Thyroid problems
    Tremors
    Uncontrollable tongue
    movements
    Vomiting
    Weight gain

  6. Thanks for everyone’s input. It’s so nice to have such support. This is very important for me and really has helped in my drinking. I have slowed down. Besides I’m starting a new job. Yes, I got it. The hours are 6:30am to 3:30pm so I can’t stay up all hours. Afterwards, I have to worki on my jewelry and ebay. I figure I can do that until about 9pm then go to bed. This is what I plan to do.

    The friend that gave me the links to her books and others – Thanks so much.

    I did go the hospital and got accepted for the new pill. They gave me lithium to take for two weeks then I go back and get checked and get some therapy. They took some blood to check the toxic level before allowing me to take the new drug. The new drug is for dual bipolar and to stop the cravings of alcohol, which would be great. I’ve taken lithium before when I was in the nut house and it worked. Why I got off of it I don’t know. I think I was in denial.

    This hospital is very reputable it’s not a research clinic. It’s not only a research place, but it’s a great hospital. I got my shoulder operated there. I wouldn’t put my life in anyone’s else hands.

    I had to endure 3 hours of questions about my life. What drugs I took, when did I start drinking, details of my past life, etc., and I really didn’t mind. I’m a open book any way. For once in my life I’m actually getting some help. This was very important. She asked why I was there – I told her honestly that I couldn’t afford to go to a doctor. I had no insurance and no money and wanted help. The doctor kept shaking her head and then said, yes you are a great candidate. I started crying and said thank you.

  7. Thank you so much! I’m actually going to a very well know hospital on Monday to see about being in their test program for a new drug for bipolar. I have to get off the prozac thank goodness. I’ll actually get some help. It’s been a long time coming. I just recently bought some Vitamin D because I have read some things about it. Good Things. You are so sweet and once I find out if I’m accept to this new drug study I’ll write in my journal and let everyone know how it’s going.

    Again, thanks and be happy

  8. Celina Pearson says:

    Hi, I so understand what you are going through. Believe me a lot of people at our age experience it. It is mostly caused by nutritional deficiencies, and together with present time stresses, a girl can feel a bit spinny. One thing is for sure, the prozac is a quick fix that has as much benefit as a shot of hard drugs. Well, it is a hard drug, and it causes its own set of deficiencies in the body so in fact it just makes things worse in the long run. I’d get off that, very slowly mind you, but wean yourself. Vitamin D is a great supplement. You can get that from cod liver oil. My mom used to make me take it every winter – I’m from Quebec. Also, check these out: http://www.thewaytohappiness.org/video/player.html?videoId=take_care . Hope today you have a good day.

  9. Your Friend says:

    Hi there!

    I am not a doctor, but from what I have read, yes, you should get off the Prozac. If you do, make sure you read that workbook on my site that helps you get off of it safely because the withdrawal symptoms can be horrible. I did some research and did write an article for you on my blog: http://psychdrugs.wordpress.com/category/prozac/.

    You can also read about BiPolar Disorder at: http://www.cchr.org/media/pdfs/Bipolar_Facts.pdf. That’s a great site, as you can put anything in their search box on their main page from Prozac to BiPolar and get more than one result.

    It’s great that you’re working. I haven’t worked a regular job in awhile. I sold on eBay for a little bit, but the Xmas returns were a hassle. So many people didn’t read the entire listing and made assumptions that were incorrect. I am starting a new gig, just this week helping people prevent foreclosure or obtain a lower interest rate on their present mortgage or have us negotiate their credit card debt down to about half, for those that have $10,000 or more on cards. Their website is: http://www.usdebtrescue.com. I hope this job pans out because I get to work from home. All the calls are directed straight to me and other reps all over the U.S.

    I hope you get the job! If you’re not happy at work it’s always best to look elsewhere. You sound like me when it comes time to just wanting to get your job done. I hate all the chatting for long periods. There’s nothing wrong with visiting at work, but when it gets lengthy something is wrong.

    This weekend my husband and I are going to visit the grandkids in Nevada. I miss them so much. Hey, we’re close to the same age. I turn 50 next month.

    Back to you…I always like to use alternative medicine when at all possible, like vitamins, minerals, alternative counseling that does not prescribe drugs, etc. I have had Dianetics counseling. It’s great! I had so much relief by running out the losses and disappointments in my life. Have you ever read the book?

    I am so skeptical about the program that you mentioned. They all seem to have a motive other than helping others. Do you know if they are a drug research program? If so, they’ll probably just pump you up with experimental medication. I wouldn’t do that if I were you.

    So you drink, huh? Well, with Hepatitis C, an unhappy job, bills and not enough money to pay them, I doubt you are depressed and drink. Why not take one problem at a time and find a solution for that. Just tell yourself you are not going to drink tonight, but work on one of your problems? You could spend the night reading the links that I sent you. Drinking can make depression worse.

    I have no knowledge of Hepatitis C, but did look it up. What stage are you at, meaning how is your liver? Are you taking any medications for that?

    Yes, now it makes sense that you shouldn’t be taking Prozac or any other toxic meds when your liver is already at stake. I had been wondering what you had meant by you shouldn’t be taking Prozac. That’s all understood now.

    Another book that can help you is Self Analysis. It can help you think of more pleasant things, improve your memory and reaction time. You can watch great videos about the mind at http://www.dianetics.org. You can get both books there. Just click on “Bookstore” after watch the videos.

    Well, my friend, I have to pack now.

    Your Friend

  10. I heard that Prozac could make it worse. Should I get off it? I wrote in my diary this morning telling about my good luck in having an appointment to a hospital that does research trials on bipolar and drinking. I called them and they called back and actually set me up on an appoint. I will take a written test, blood test and talk to a doctor. And then if they feel that I can take the medication after my tests – then I will be accepted. The problem is that I have Hep C which will show up and if it’s too bad then I can’t do the test. I will pray. At least I’m on the right track.

    I joined a Bipolar Group like AA and talked with people that have the same problem I do and it was great. I wasn’t alone like I feel all the time.

    Things are getting bad for me. I don’t want to do anything even though I try. I drank wine all night then about 6am made some coffee and here I am. This madness has to stop. Hopefully, I will get the help I need soon and everthing will just be daisy.

    Yes, I have a part time job that is very physical and stressful. Someimes my manic does come out and I talk and talk and talk and get crazy. This one lady drives me nuts because she is always talking and talking. I just want to work and do my job without anyone standing over me. I have an interview tomorrow for another sales associate or assistant manager at a retail store in a very well know department store. I would be working alone and that would be great.

    Mu stress is not having enough money to not pay my bills. I run my little ebay business and make my own jewelry and nice at that. Plus, I do the part time thing. But things are bad because of the economy. I cannot and want go back to the corporate world at age 56. That treat the boomer people like they don’t know anything and I don’t need that. Besides if I world like that I wouldn’t have time to enjoy some of the things and to be able to get help.

    Sorry to talk too much

    I’ve talked too much already.

  11. Your Friend says:

    I got it on what you are going through! I am gald that writing is a good outlet for you. Keep it up! I actually meant the free online book through my blog is called, “How to Get Off Psychiatric Drugs Safely.” Prozac can even cause the symptoms you are going through. You might have been misdiagnosed. I had horrible symptoms and more than one doctor wanted to prescribe me antidepressants. It turned out that I had hyperthyroidism (an over active thyroid). I will do an article on Prozac this week just for you! Check it out when you have time: psychdrugs.wordpress.com.

    Do you work? Did you work? What do/did you do?

    Do you have any known stress, mainly people in your life that are causing you stress? Do you have anyone that invalidates you, making you feel less than you know you really are? If so, I can help you on that. Let me know. Something can be done about every situation in life. Don’t give up! I will be back.

    Your Friend

  12. Thank you friend for your suggestions. I’m not experiencing withdrawal, because I’m taking prozac, which really isn’t the type of medicine I can take. But it’s all I can do now. I just get these mania moments that drive me crazy. One thing that I’m trying to do is stay busy. Even writing the blog above helped because after I got through I went back and sat down and said relax, breath in, relax. After a while I was fine and was able to remember what I was suppose to do. I’m writing down things that I need to focus on. Sometimes I just try to do many things at the same time and that’s when mania strikes. Writing right now is helping because I’m my own therapist. Thanks again, and come back.

  13. Your Friend says:

    Hi there! Cheer up! Someone cares about you. Me!

    Here’s a few things you can do:

    1. Make sure you are getting plenty of sleep and food.
    2. Take vitamins
    3. Take a walk 30 minutes a day in a different direction.
    4. Drink plenty of liquids.
    5. If you haven’t taken your meds in awhile you might be experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Visit my WordPress blog for more information. It’s all free! It’s called psychrugs.wordpress.com. There’s a link to a booklet about how to deal with the wirhdrawal symptoms of psychiatric medication.
    6. Make sure you contact the companies that you are late making payments on. The worst thing you can do is not contact them.

    Best of luck!
    Your Friend

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