It is so nice to get comments from others that’s why I feel that writing about my disease is the perfect drug. Why has it helped me? Knowing that others really care. People with bipolar feel so lonely, because they’re afraid to tell anyone about their disease. I know I was afraid to tell a coworker, because I was afraid of how they would look at me. I started to realize a few years back that something was wrong me. I started remembering my past and what I did (that’s another story). Although many doctors have told me that I have bipolar I just didn’t want to believe. In my last job I was having issues forgetting things I was suppose to do, loosing items and loosing my temper, etc. I didn’t understand what was happening me. The company ended up letting me go because of and of course, I felt they were getting rid of me was that I had memory problem and my age. Especially since everyone in my group were in their early 20’s and I was 55. It was after that job I decided to make some changes in my life and to starting taking care of myself. I wanted to do the things I enjoy. I felt I was so angry because I wasn’t happy. I hated what I was doing and felt I was better than that. So I started doing the things I enjoy, which is creating my own jewelry and having my own little shop. I’ve also started buying and selling for others.
It takes a lot of hard concentration and organization for me. I get confused and being disorganized is my biggest trigger. I’m having a issue with that today. I woke up at 3am this morning. We had a rough storm and I just couldn’t go back to sleep. My committee was going off in my mind of all the things that I needed to do so I just got up and went to work. There is so much detail to my business that you have to be organized and have a list to go by. My problem is that I don’t go by the list – I get side tracked. Now I have a client who wants to buy a TV so I have to get busy on that. But I love it. I’m doing things I like and what I can do. No getting up and driving in traffic to work – no boss standing over my shoulder and no one tell me I can’t do this or that. Being busy helps.
So you see writing is good for me – I got all that off my back. I’m a strong believer in writing. I just realized the other day while going through all my journals that I’ve actually been journaling since I was 18. I must of had bipolar then – I was really depressed. I will share some of the writings and poems on another day.
This morning I got a nice comment where said he enjoyed reading my stories. He said I could use some of his cartoons on my blog and I went to his website Mental Humor and there was this funny cartoon that I would like to share, but I can’t figure out how to put it on my blog. So you can go to his website by clicking here. Once I can figure it out I’ll post.