Should I Stay or Should I Go – Bipolar Freeaking

This job that I took over 3 weeks ago seems like a farce to me.  I’m working out of my home and in the office just a few days a week.   He doesn’t really have any solid for me to do except he wants me to make 100 calls to supervisors asking them if we can send a quote to them.  I just feel that’s unrealistic for a couple of days.  My bipolar doesn’t like it one bit, and I just keep saying I don’t want to do this.  It’s just too much.  I’m moving quickly in to the bipolar phase of worry and panic. I can’t make a decision.  I have a hard time dealing with people now and working in an office is not appealing to me.  I don’t like to receive criticism, and be treated like I’m stupid.  Even though I have some of those issues I don’t want anyone else to tell me.  I’ve had a long hard life and I’m finally trying to stabilize it and it almost was.  Then I took this job and I hate it.  I want to work on my eBay site more than anything.  I know it and it’s mine.I’m coming down from my high to my low.  Yesterday I just went to bed and slept in and then I came home about 12:30 and slept until 2:30p.  I could of slept longer.  I don’t do well when there’s a big decision to make.  The only thing stopping me from having to work these horrible bad jobs is my car payment.  I need a lower car payment or none at all.  I had bad credit so my finance charges were blow out of the roof and be paying until I’m a very old lady.  This is also making my move to live with my son in North Carolina seem further and further away.

I wish a miracle would happen.  Someone take me away from all this. I’m tried of owing people.  I’m tired of being sick.  I just want to play and have fun the rest of my life.  I want to hold my grand baby before he’s too old. How can I do this?  Will a white horse with a very nice man ride up and take me away.  Cliche! lol

Oh, and my memory is pretty bad.  I was talking on the phone with my mom and I told her I couldn’t find my cell phone.  She said, “Vickie, what phone are you talking on with me?”  Dumb me!


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