Help, is my mental state in jeopardy? Yesterday, I actually said, I wished I had died in the car accident. Then, my Dad wouldn’t have to worry about money.” He always gives me a hard time – all my life. “It’s your fault all this is happening. The light bill is higher because of you.” Everything is because of me. I have suffered this all my life. Plus, I could never do anything right. It has always the wrong way. I’ve always loved my daddy and this is why I take it so hard. Now, something else has happen that’s my fault and he had to fork out some money. I had a car accident!
Today, I was out driving around looking for estate sales to find items to sell in my eBay store. I got lost. I got confused and was looking for a specific highway. I was distracted and the next thing I knew I was looking down on at two cars at a red light. I put my foot on the accelerator as hard as I could. I turned one way to keep from hitting one car and then hit the other. I couldn’t believe it! I thought or hoped I was having a nightmare. Then 4 people got out of the car – luckily nobody was hurt. The right side of his bumper was a little banged up but my left side was really shambled. It bent the axle and had to be towed. The head light was smashed in and my wheel was bent. I set in shock for a while and then I called my insurance agent.
Then, there was the news. My insurance had expired! I didn’t know that. I really had no idea. I remember paying a bill, and I remember saying to myself it was time to pay another one. My last payment was June 10, payment was due June 15th. I guess it’s my July that I haven’t paid. But to me, it’s not late. Can I pay it now. I’ve been told a different story. The truth, I just forget. Time to do something about that. How about a full wall calendar?
Over the last few months I’ve been in another world. I’ve forgotten things and I don’t pay attention. I should of known better then to drive to far from home. I sometimes get disoriented. I’ve got to remember I’m not normal.
Right now, I’m going through a bankruptcy, trying to get disability, and trying to take care of myself. That’s a lot in itself.
I just don’t know what to do at this point. My car is sitting in the driveway and I’m sitting in my room. My stomach is a mess and my mind is turning over and over. I’m crying and I’m praying to god to please help me. I don’t understand why this happen to me. Why?
But you know what? I’m not out getting a bottle of wine and come cigarettes and getting drunk. That’s what I would of done before I got help. Be strong and pray. That will fight the demons.