I Didn’t Plan For Today

Last Monday around 2pm, my dad called me into his room to ask me to take him to the hospital. I thought maybe I was imagining this since I get delusional at times.

My mom and I took dad to the hospital and was in the emergency room until 1:30am when we were told he would be staying the night. That was Monday. It’s Saturday and he’s still there. They found a clot in the top of his foot and had to do surgery. The procedure was to slice a hole in the vein on top of his foot and drain it. The quest was to figure out what caused the clot – his heart or the stroke he previously had? After the surgery we were told it was probably his heart. We were also told he’s Alzheimer’s/Dementia had gotten worse and to be prepared. Also, they were going to put him back on Coumadin, a blood thinner. This makes him hallucinate.

I started having anxiety with the fear that the same thing that happen last time, about 6 months ago, was going to happen again. I just don’t know how I’m going to handle it with everything that is going on in my life including my car wreck.

Dad was in the nursing home after a fatal accident and he hallucinated about his mom being alive. He depended on me for everything. My mom suffers as well from Bipolar/Dementia.

Just today, I dropped my mom off at the hospital to see dad. I returned and dad said that she had left to go looking for me downstairs. I went downstairs and couldn’t find her anywhere. I starting freaking and thinking the worse. I called my brother and he told me if I can’t find her to call security. I decided to go back up to the room just in case she returned. Mom was not there. Dad started getting upset and getting out of bed. I went to the nurses desk and said my mom was missing. “Oh, the nurse said, she went downstairs to eat lunch.” Gee, I was so relieved! I went to tell dad and he was tearing all the machine’s off of him and a nurse was trying to get him to calm day. He did calm down when I told him where mom was.

Boy, I was scared! I thought, “Is this what I’m looking forward to when Dad comes home?” What’s happens when Dad comes home and leaves without letting us know? How is he going to react to me. Mean or depend on me?

You have to live from day to day. Don’t take life for granted. I tried to tell my son to always make sure he tells his love ones including me that he loves them. Even with my bipolar something changes with me all the time like my memory. I get confused and delusional like during my accident. I lose items all the time like clothes, jewelry, purse, and keys. I organize my room all the time so I can find things. My room gets messed in one day and I have to organize again and again.

Keep coming back.

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