Bipolar: I Will Not Fail

I’m frightened! Yes, I admit it. I’ve been worried about money since my eBay hasn’t been doing well. I haven’t been able to get inventory to sell and without inventory – no money.

August was a terrible month. Probably, because all the kids going back to school and people doing their final vacationing. It really put a damper on me. This is all I do – make jewelry and sell on eBay. I live with my parents – I’m their caregiver. I had to quit my job and take care of them. Who’s taking care of me? ME!

Just in two days I got two contracts to sell items on eBay for a couple of people. I guess I felt brave at the time, but I listed myself under Trading Assistant on eBay. Suddenly, out of the blue I got a couple of calls the same day. The other night I was praying for help on what to do about money and as always he answered my prayer. WOW!  He always submits these challenges to me. It’s like he’s always testing me.

My contracts are bigger then I would of thought of ever doing. It’ll mean a lot of money for me. It may also mean I might get to go to North Carolina to see my son and grandbaby for Christmas. So what am I worried about? Failure! This is the biggy for me and I want to do a good job. My bipolar is getting in the way and I’m trying very hard to block it.  Even right now, my heart is racing, and my stomach is turning around and around just thinking about it. 

Fear – am I going to fail? Demons? I will fight! Dreams? How much do I want them? That’s what makes me stronger. I don’t won’t to fail. Why? Because I’ve always been told that I will, and that I never finish anything. It’s always been fear and failure. I’m tired of it! I don’t feel good about myself when I quit.

God has challenged me and I will accept the fight. I’ll work hard and remember that I have a Dream worth reach for, and that Dream is within reach. I will not fail. You know why? I will not let that happen.

All my life I’ve been told I would fail.  So I always thought I would. If I tried to be a nurse I was told I could do it that I wasn’t cut out for it. I was also told “you might has well not go to college you want finish. So I never tried. I just quit. This time, I’m not quitting – I will fight my demons. I need my angels on my side and holding my hands very tight.


4 thoughts on “Bipolar: I Will Not Fail

  1. Opinions are free and most people are always ready to give their opinion. The most important is yourself. I remember a saying by Roosevelt Eleanor that goes something like this, “no one has your permission to put you down unless you allow them to.”

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