Right now by life feels so confusing to me. They’re a lot of decisions to make and I don’t know how to make them. It’s probably the most important decision I’ve ever made and it’s killing me.
I have bipolar with early stages of Alzheimer’s, along with Bipolar. Both my Dad and Mom have Alzheimer’s, and I am actually their caretaker.
I’ve been living with my parents for over a year taking care of them and me. It’s getting exhausting, because neither one will cooperative. Mom wants something and dad talks her out of it. Plans change every day. I took mom to a doctor to get her colon checked then she suddenly decided she wasn’t going to have any test. I was very made. And mom didn’t even remember it.
I can’t deal with it. I need a life. However, the point is I’m so afraid that I leave no one will watch over them and sure enough, if I leave, something will happen. Mom’s already talking about leaving this earth because she’s tired.
You know what’s hard? There are times that I don’t feel good and I just want to lay down. Not one person asked me how I feeling. I could be in my room having a hear attack and they would notice. when I told mom today that I really felt bad. Her replied was, “I was feeling kind of bad today do.” I wanted to scream! “You feel bad everyday!” Just once I would like someone to come to me and put their arms around me and say I love you and it’s going to be alright. I haven’t had that in a very long time.