Making a Choice Could Change Everything in Life

Right now by life feels so confusing to me.  They’re a lot of decisions to make and I don’t know how to make them.  It’s probably the most important decision I’ve ever made and it’s killing me.

I have bipolar with early stages of Alzheimer’s, along with Bipolar. Both my Dad and Mom have Alzheimer’s, and I am actually their caretaker.

I’ve been living with my parents for over a year taking care of them and me.  It’s getting exhausting, because neither one will cooperative.  Mom wants something and dad talks her out of it. Plans change every day.  I took mom to a doctor to get her colon checked then she suddenly decided she wasn’t going to have any test.  I was very made.  And  mom didn’t even remember it.

I can’t deal with it.  I need a life.  However, the point is I’m so afraid that I leave no one will watch over them and sure enough, if I leave, something will happen.  Mom’s already talking about leaving this earth because she’s tired.

You know what’s hard?  There are times that I don’t feel good and I just want to lay down.  Not one person asked me how I feeling.  I could be in my room having a hear attack and they would notice.  when I told mom today that I really felt bad.  Her replied was, “I was feeling kind of bad today do.”  I wanted to scream! “You feel bad everyday!”  Just once I would like someone to come to me and put their arms around me and say I love you and it’s going to be alright.  I haven’t had that in a very long time.


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