First, let me say I love my mother. I’m use to seeing her so cheerful and outgoing. We could talk for hours. Now, there’s silence.
The only time I talk to my mom is in the morning over coffee and newspaper. She’s usually very energetic and has all kinds of things to do. It’s either the grocery store or going out to eat. I get excited when she tells me she wants to go somewhere, but then let down when she changes her mind.
One minute she tells me she wants to go to the grocery store and then about 15 minutes later tells me she’s not going. She doesn’t feel like doing anything except sit in her chair and watch her TV. If there’s nothing on TV she will go to bed for a few hours until it’s 3:00pm time for her glass of wine. I’m afraid she’s hooked on her wine a little too much. This morning she’d said she needed some wine, but could wait until Monday. However, I heard her telling Dad she is about out would he go to the store to get her wine. He said it was too hot to go to the store and she could wait another day. She blew up! They argued as usual about it and then I heard silence. I walked by her and asked her what was wrong. She wouldn’t even look at me and told me to go back to my room. FINE!
Dad, hates the fact she drinks and that’s what most of their arguments are about. Drinking the wine has started effecting her mine, and her body. It’s also affected her health – she has diarrhea all the time. She doesn’t eat any solid food unless I cook for them. Mom has become very lazy. I don’t like seeing her like this way and I don’t like to see her drinking. When she drinks she gets talkative, loud and angry. She says that drinking is her crutch. I know my mom is depressed – she doesn’t go anywhere. She doesn’t do any housework, read, or have friends.
Since I’m a recovering alcoholic, her drinking really bothers me. I’m not suppose to drink my health depends on it. I told her this and literally said, “Too bad, I’m drinking anyway. You might as well get use to it.” This really hurt me.
Mom memory has gotten worse. Like the wine – she doesn’t remember telling me to wait until tomorrow. This morning I told her I was going to pick up my DVD player. I got back and she didn’t know I was gone.
I try to keep reminding myself mom is not mom anymore. She will continue to get worse as well as my dad. Being their caregiver is very hard emotionally as well as tiring. I love them both, but they’re times they take advantage of me. I keep telling myself it will be okay – take care of your bipolar first. Remember that.