Here I am in North Carolina in a sweet cottage only two blocks from the ocean. I’m staying in a 700 sq. ft dream house with 2 bedrooms and 2 baths. I love it! It may be small but it’s larger than the room I’ve been staying in before.
My parents have Alzheimer’s/Dementia – I was living with them to make sure no harm could come to them. But, the harm seem to come to me. They just didn’t care about anything.
I was staying in a small, I mean small, bedroom room in the back of my parents house and sleeping in a small twin bed. I hardly left the room unless I went to the book store or to take my parents to the doctor or grocery store. It got to the point where I couldn’t stay in the same room as my parents I know that’s sad, but they treated me like I owed them all the time. I was taken advantage of and talked to terribly. They forgot the reason I was there. I love my parents and that’s why I moved in two years ago when it was decided they needed help. But, the longer I stayed there the worse it got. I wasn’t treated like a daughter, but a servant. It was so hurtful.
My mom started drinking more and more. She told me she was 84 and she could do what she wanted and she did. I told her drinking and pills didn’t go together, but she said she didn’t care. She was ready to go to her maker. I’m a recovering alcoholic and I watched my mother go to the refrigerator every afternoon at 3pm and pour a glass a wine after wine until she passes out in her chair. She would forget to take her medication so I said, “Mom do you realize how hard it is to watch you drink? It makes me want to drink with you.” “Sure, join me,” she would say. I couldn’t take it any more. I had to think about my survival and well-being. I had to leave. Now was the time to be a mom and grandmother.
Having bipolar and living in this kind environment was not good for me. I found myself crying and feeling unloved. I had to ask for hugs. Mom, told me once that she just wasn’t like that because my dad never was nor her parents. I need hugs. I liked the feeling when a warm loving person can put their arms around me and say “I Love You.”
I desperately wanted to be needed. I have a son, grand children, and a beautiful daughter-in-law that I want to get to know. My son was in the army from the time he graduated from high school until he left the army 6 1/2 years later. Then he left for a great job in Wilmington, NC. The whole time I felt abandoned and alone. The part of me that I treasured the most was gone. That was 8-years ago and now my dream has come true. I’m now getting to know my son again, as well as my grand children and daughter-in- law.
My son has become more attentive. Maybe he sees that I’m not healthy as I was 6-7 years ago. He has always thought of me as that young good-looking mom who could do anything. He was always proud to introduce me to his friends. When he saw me get off the plane holding a walking cane I think the moment changed. Now, he seems to be more attentive and calls me more than he did before. I feel loved and needed. I now have my family that I’ve so wanted for a long time.
Today, I feel great.