Bipolar: Abandoned and Lonely

Lonely & Abandoned

Abandoned and Lonely – this is how I feel today. Friday I felt was high on life.  I went out for the first time in 3 years and had a great time!  Today I feel lonely and abandoned.  😦

I always feel like I’ve said something wrong and I’ll never hear from that person again.  And sometimes I am right.  I feel are looking at me and talking about me.  “Look – she’s bipolar – she’s crazy.  But I’m not!  I just have a hard time sorting things out.  Sometimes I just don’t know who I am.

I’ve been on Lithium for 3 years and have been on several other medications trying to see if it’s a fit with Lithium.  I’ve tried Prozac, Celexa, Zoloft, Effexor and now Lamical.  There’s some more drugs in there some where just can remember them.  Some of them made me crazy.

I just wish I didn’t feel like nobody loves me or afraid to come see me – I might say something they don’t like.  I try very hard to behave myself without giving advice they don’t want.

I’ve had one break through and that’s writing in my blog.  I haven’t been here for a long time.  I just couldn’t seem to pick up my laptop and write.  I’ve had brain fog and down right tired.

Today, I just feel so bad I want to crazy – I’m so tired of this feeling and bipolar.

I’m going to write about how I got here what I’ve been through.

 

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3 thoughts on “Bipolar: Abandoned and Lonely

  1. James Claims says:

    I’ve been there. I haven’t been medicated nearly as long as you have, but I’ve definitely lost the drive sometimes now that I’ve had bipolar for at least several years. It’s especially bad lately where I’m now on my third antipsychotic and they all seem to screw with my brain while I’m also being evicted by people who don’t want to live with someone who’s mentally ill. I’ve also hated how my brain will replay everything I say to people thinking its the wrong thing to say and that I’m just convincing people that I’m even crazier and making them not want to talk to me ever again.

    I also feel for you on needing to sort things out. It’s not that being bipolar means you’re crazy, it just means you have more of life heaped on you at any given time and you need to be given a break sometimes to manage it all.

    I hope you feel better, I look forward to reading more.

    • Thank your for your comment. It’s important for me to hear from others who have bipolar. I don’t feel alone. I feel your pain on the antipsychotic. I was taking one where I hard voices and saw shadows. I thought I had some kind of powers. However, I found some bipolar people are sensitive. But they’re some say that’s craziness. I always feel like I’m saying something wrong. Especially when I do not hear back from people that I talk to almost everyday. When a cycle changes I react with fear. I sometimes tell people who I’m comfortable with that I have bipolar. I have found this to be a mistake. They say it doesn’t freak them out but it does. They do judge you when you say something that may not make since or an action I do. So I’m not going to tell people until they get to know me. I’ve been told I’m funny and comfortable to be around to be around. However, I ‘ve been wearing a mask all my life.

      I appreciate the feedback and I hope you pray for guidance and found the right medications.

      Vickie

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