Life Isn’t Easy – You Do What You Have To

During the summer time I was very active.  Active, I mean walking a lot to the bus stops and the beach.  When you don’t have a car you do what you have to do.  How come I don’t have a car?

I had a car accident before I moved to North Carolina.  I don’t know how it happened exactly except that I turned my head for a minute and when I turned back there was a car stopped in front of me and a light.  I remember putting my foot on the break as hard and I could hope not to hit him.  I thought about moving to the other lane, but was afraid there would be another car coming.  I had nowhere to go.   After I hit them I just sat there numb.

I got out of my car and the front left bumper was smashed into my tire.  I was sick.  The first thing the guy asked was where was my insurance not “Are you hurt?”  I called my insurance company and they said, “I’m sorry your insurance is terminated.”  Terminated!   I didn’t understand.  I thought I was making payments, but was told I missed the pass month.  This is a company I have been with for years!

Before the accident I had to file bankruptcy – I had lost my job.  My bipolar was getting worse and was affecting my job performance. I wasn’t on any medication at that time.  I decided to just get a simple part-time job but it wasn’t enough.  At the same time my dad suffered a major stroke that was almost caused his death.  My mom and I discussed it was time to move home so I move out of my apartment and move in with my parents. Both of my elderly parents had Alzheimer’s.  This was an open door for me to file bankruptcy then I when to Social Security and filed for disability.  Before I caused any harm to me or others I needed help with my bipolar, and to get medication.

My dad died a year later from a massive stroke leaving him in a coma.  I was there every day until his dead.  Having a hard time dealing with it I  moved to North Carolina to be near my son and get to know my grandchildren.  This was a hard decision to make as well as a big change in my life.  I moved with the clothes on my back and what I could fit in my luggage.  I rented a small cottage until I could find a place I liked and afford.

I feel it was a God thing – I live in the first place I looked at.  I knew it was for me being 10 minutes from the beach and living right on the river with lots of nature.  My landlord gave me all the furniture, appliances, pictures, lamps that I needed to start a new life.   I’ve been here since Sept. 2010.  This is my new life.

I’m trying to make a long story short, but it’s not working!

Back to why I don’t have a car – 1)  I don’t have the money, 2) I can’t afford insurance, 3) I’m afraid to take the driver’s license test.  Yes, I am.  With ADD I have paranoia taking tests.  Plus, my memory sucks so studying doesn’t do me any good.  So what do I do?  “Just Do Your Best!”  They are other ways to live without the luxury.  I do miss having a car, however, having a car is expensive and I live only on Social Security so I make do.

Having Bipolar makes life a little more difficult so I really try harder at every thing I do.   I have worked hard to get where I am now and I’m proud of myself.  If things get difficult I  take a deep breath, meditate, pray and accept it.  My doctor said I was a strong person and doing great right now.  My life has been chaotic, but it’s made me a stronger person.

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2 thoughts on “Life Isn’t Easy – You Do What You Have To

  1. anniemackhoward says:

    You sound like you are ready to embrace, the true reason we are here on this planet. Our spiritual value is based on our ability to give and receive love.

    The day of forging the land for food is over, but, we are responsible for our own existence. We work jobs that provide shelter, food and most of all feed our ego. How many jobs and/or career opportunities have you depended on and all the while, you had an underlying fear that your performance was not good enough? Those insecurities will destroy your career and confidence.

    Take care, be safe and every day give thanks for your resilience and believe me that I know that sometimes this is a lonely task.

    All we need to reassure us of our life path is to look in the eyes of a child and we will be grounded with our ability to give and receive love.

    Most of all, we learn our ability to love and embrace Ramen Noodles. This can be our main food source when we are not working. Ramen Noodles can provide our sustenance while we move forward on our spiritual path 🙂

    Peace and Love.

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