Relationships – Intimacy With Another Bipolar Person

I have been super clean from relationships (men).  I gave them up when I realize that relationships didn’t work for me or them.  I didn’t know I had bipolar until 2009 so I was unable to understand why my relationships didn’t last.  I flat-out drove them crazy!

I  enjoy and love photography so I joined a group that gets together and talks about photography and goes on mini trips.  I met the organizer on my first visit to the group and I was immediately attracted.  No! No!  He’s too young!  I kept reminding myself.  So I forgot about it.  Weeks later there was a trip planned and I really wanted to go but without a car it made it difficult.  I receive a  message from him offering a ride.  He also asked if I had flirted with him on our first meeting.  I said “Yes, I did.”   He said, Cool!”   The part that bothers me is the age gap.  I’m 59 and he’s 34.  The future looks pretty bleak so why pursue this?

On our first outing he told me he had bipolar as well.  It felt so good to be able to share with someone else who has the same mental illness.  The problem? He is just like me – BIPOLAR.  This brought us closer.  Most bipolar people don’t feel comfortable around normal people because they’re afraid they will do or say something wrong.

For a whole week he came and got me to go on these amazing photography trips.  At first there was no intimacy, but I guess our chemistry became intense we couldn’t hold back.  You can feel it when we’re together so I wonder if  he withdraws because he started feeling close to me.   Or, maybe he just doesn’t want to get into that kind of relationship.  He did say that relationships and sex didn’t do well for him.  What does that me?  I’m not a mind reader!

When he disappears for weeks at a time I can’t help ask questions like  “What did I do?”  Did I say something wrong?  He doesn’t like me.  I thought he was into me, but I guess not.  This stuff was really tearing me apart.  I found myself getting angry and resent wanting to write a letter to him asking what the problem was.  I don’t do roller coasters well..

Is it the bipolar?  I go through this every time I meet a guy that ends up in running the man off.  Bipolar or not.  I just don’t know how to handle this – it makes me ill as well.  I want so badly to meet someone who can love me unconditionally.  I’ve enjoyed the closeness and being able to share with someone else who has the illness.  If I talked about my issue to a normal man what would he do?   My last loving relationship was with someone I couldn’t have, and that was after my divorce.  I was so in love, but his life and surroundings were a danger to me, and we felt it would be best if he wasn’t around me and the baby.   I loved him for that, but at the same time I was heart-broken.  That was 24 years ago and to this day I still love him – I think about him all the time.

So confused.  Should I continue to see my friend if he calls and wants to go do things.  Or, should I just say it’s best we don’t or I’m busy.  Can I keep my hands off of him – after all this woman has feelings that haven’t been there in a long time.  That can be dangerous!

 

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4 thoughts on “Relationships – Intimacy With Another Bipolar Person

  1. I understand what you mean. 😦 I have a very difficult time with relationships as well… and have sometimes wondered if I should just be alone, that I am meant to be alone. I wish I had wonderful advice for you. Go with your gut instinct…and if that means the two of you cannot continue on, maybe you are right and he is going to make it easy to let go. If you both can continue without the sex part, keep the friendship. Keep in mind that it is not that something “is wrong with you” and that is why he is not around. He is not around because perhaps something is wrong with him… or maybe he was looking at it differently. You will need to talk to get on the same page about that. Be kind to yourself. It is easy to blame ourselves when things do not turn out how we would like… but it takes both people to make something work. If you are trying on your end, then fault lies with him. Do not take all the blame, it certainly is not all yours. ♥

    • Jewells says:

      I’m so happy I was able to talk to you. I feel that I’m meant to be alone. I’m really much happier because you don’t have to deal with the politics of a relationship. Your right that there is no future for us. Friendship is the only answer. I’ll see how this play out. I just wish I was many years younger. I’m leaving for a week to go visit my mom in Dallas so that we’ll be a great getaway. I have a lot of plans. Thank you so much for being there for me. It’s a pleasure talking to you. I feel that I have a friend and someone to talk to and that’s very important. Keep in touch!

  2. I do not want to say something out of line, so forgive me if I do.
    I use to date much younger men, where the gap made it impossible to pursue anything of “substance”. Do you think this may be what your situation is? Not that you couldn’t have a serious relationship but that maybe you both approached it as a “companionship” of like minds without the probability of it going further?
    I would continue to see him IF it does not cause you distress to do so. If it does cause you distress, it is not healthy for you. Do what is best for you and your health. ♥

    • Jewells says:

      I think your right. That was what it was suppose to be. But what do you do with things fall apart by being attracted to each other and one things leads to another? Your right I can continue this path. I think it to death. Several times I have written notes to him asking what the problem was another to tell him that I don’t think we should be with each other. This is a killer because he hsa taught me so much about photography. It’s hard to let go. But then, he may make it easy. I still haven’t heard from him, but I do expect he will. I just don’t know what I’ll say. Can I be friends with him without sex? I don’t know. I didn’t send the notes and I’ve been busy taking pictures and working in the garden, but then the night sets in.

      I hate being bipolar! Why can’t I be normal so I can have a normal relationship. I want to know what that feels like.

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