I Need a Friend

Black Rose

Yesterday, and today, I feel like I have no friends.  Like everyone has abandoned me.  Did I do something wrong?  Am I imagining it?

I see the people I know having all kinds of fun.  I see my guy friend having fun with the girls in our photography group without me.  I don’t know what this is all about, but I’m feeling really left out and alone.  It may be nothing, but I don’t like this gut terrifying feeling I am having.

The one thing that I haven’t done in a long time I’m doing now. Drinking.  It’s my way of curbing the hurt I’m feeling.  I don’t like feeling this way, not a bit.  I can’t sleep and I obsess.  So what do I do?

My week – went to the beach by myself, ate at my favorite restaurant by myself, went to the beach for the sunset by myself and tonight I’m all alone wishing I wasn’t.

So tell me is it this bipolar and my obsessive imagination?  I just wish for once my life was satisfying and fulfilled!  Just once.  I need a friend.

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4 thoughts on “I Need a Friend

  1. You have a friend here. I follow your blog and check my blog everyday. Even when I am around people I feel alone like no one understands what I am going through, but we have all felt this way at one time or another. I feel up and down throughout the day everyday, so I know how you feel. Are you feeling disconnected to the people around you?

    • Jewells says:

      Thanks for your comment and following my blog. Same as you – I alawys feel alone with people. I use to be able to walk to people and just starting talking. I had no fear. Now, I have a hard time doing that with the fear that I might say something stupid. Even though I always feel alone and lonely I also have doubts about being around people. I’ve lost friends because of my rapid reactions and saying things I don’t mean to. Yes, I feel disconnected – have for a long time. Right now I’ve decided to find myself again by engaging in my photography. Thank you

  2. Friends are hard to find. I know the isolated feeling of seeming left out and wondering if you’re being paranoid, or wondering why you aren’t involved. Sometimes you just have to be proactive and invite yourself or make someone an offer to spend time with you 🙂

    • Jewells says:

      Paranoid is the working word. I’m always in fear that someone or somebody is not liking me. I have be active – I got my calendar out and scheduled things to do this week. Before I just sit home. I’ve joined a art group and going to a reception this weekend. I’ll be by myself but I guess it’s a way to meet new people. If I just can get the feeling out of my that says watch what you say, or don’t say anything stupid. Thanks for your comment.

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