I always wonder why I was dealt a raw hand. It seems all my life nothing really good has come out of it. Exceptions – my son, my dog, my camera and now the beach. My high school years was a struggle because of my ADD and Bipolar that I didn’t know I had because no one knew what it was back in the 60’s and 70’s.
Jobs? I had a lot of them. My first real job was a well-known oil and gas company. It was good until I started having black outs leading to very high blood pressure. I got on some good meds for it. But I also got involved with the wrong people and started drinking and drugging and then got fired from that job.
I got out of that phase and then was lucky to land several great jobs for the next 10 years until my depression hit again. My 5 year relationship ended after 5 years and my son went into the army for 6 years. I thought my world had come to an end.
I was having trouble in my jobs – I was losing things, my grammar and writing were terrible, and I flew off my handle easily. Supervisors would keep complaining and put me on notice. I could understand what was going on. But I got to the point I didn’t care. I would drink to make everything go away. This continue until I wanted to end my life. However, I didn’t. I had intervention. I searched for help for my depression and I found out other things about me.
That was the start of god coming into my life. That’s when I started listening to my intuition and realized it was actually god whispering in my ears. That’s when god was using others as a vessel to talk to me God saved my life many times. But I still wonder why I have bad luck. After being alone for 50 years you would think I would meet someone. I moved so often. In fact just recently, I was told to leave from a very nice cottage on the beach that I thought was the one for me. I was depressed and didn’t know where I was going to go. I prayed for a miracle and it came. Within a day, I got an email from a lady wanting a roommate in a two-story beach house. I keep asking God when is the testing going to stop – when are you going to let me settle? I think He is searching for the right place that will for the plans he has for me. We were placed on this earth for a reason and one and I’m slowing see the picture. I just hope it happens before I leave this earth.
I can only live from day-to-day because I do not know what tomorrow will bring. I feel like a vagabond.
PLEASE IGNORE MY GRAMMAR AN SPELLING – BAD HANDICAP I HAVE.