Does God Have a Plan

Solitude

Solitude

I always wonder why I was dealt a raw hand. ¬†It seems all ¬†my life nothing really good has come out of it. ¬†Exceptions – my son, my dog, my camera and now the beach. ¬†My high school years was a struggle because of my ADD and Bipolar that I didn’t ¬†know I had because no one knew what it was back in the 60’s and 70’s.

Jobs? I had a lot of them.  My first real job was a well-known oil and gas company.    It was good until I started having black outs leading to very high blood pressure. I got on some good meds for it. But I also got involved with the wrong people and started drinking and drugging and then got fired from that job.

I got out of that phase and then was lucky to land several great jobs for the next 10 years until my depression hit again. My 5 year relationship ended after 5 years and  my son went into the army for 6 years. I thought my world had come to an end.

I was having trouble in my jobs – I was losing things, my grammar and writing were¬†terrible, and I flew off my handle easily. Supervisors would keep complaining and put me on notice. I could understand what was going on. ¬†But I got to the point I didn’t care. I would drink to make everything go away. ¬†This continue until I wanted to end ¬†my life. ¬†However, I didn’t. ¬†I had intervention. I searched for help for my depression and I found out other things about me.

That was the start of god coming into my life. ¬†That’s when I started listening to my intuition and realized it was actually god whispering in my ears. ¬†That’s when god was using¬†others as a vessel to talk to me ¬† God saved my life many¬†times. But I still wonder why I have bad luck. After being alone for 50 years you would think I would meet someone. ¬†I moved so often. ¬†In fact just recently, I was told to leave from a¬†very nice cottage on the beach that¬†I thought was the one for me. ¬†I was depressed and didn’t know where I was going to go. ¬†I prayed for a miracle and it came. Within a day, I got an email from a lady wanting a roommate in a two-story beach house. ¬†I keep asking God when is the testing going to stop – when are you going to let me settle? I think He is¬†searching for the right place that will ¬†for the plans he has for me. We¬†were¬†placed on this earth for a reason and one and I’m slowing see the picture. ¬†I just hope it happens before I leave this earth.

I can only live from day-to-day because I do not know what tomorrow will bring.  I feel like a vagabond.

PLEASE IGNORE MY GRAMMAR AN SPELLING – BAD HANDICAP I HAVE.

2 thoughts on “Does God Have a Plan

  1. I asked exactly this today. sometimes I feel like I have a curse on me. I am blessed, but all my life seem to have a much harder time with everything. Thanks for following me. Will be glad to see more of your posts.

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