Facing My Fear Of Pain

I’ve been going through a lot of things here lately and voice it.  In the beginning of my blogDunpont-12 I was talking about Bipolar. And now I’m dealing with this other I’m going to tell you about.. I can’t take certain bipolar medicines or any other medications. I’ve tried most and with hepatitis c you can’t take certain medications. So I deal with the depression and anxiety,and along with all the above I have hip problems. Pain is my middle name.

I battle these pains all the time and you know, you get tired and depressed.  My hip has osteoarthritis, which has just about crippled me by immobilizing me – couch pound. So I’ve been getting guided cortisone injections in my back and hip. None has helped until this one I just had that was injected in my groin/hip area. It seems to have work. However, it’s the first time that I have felt the miserable, cruel, mean, side effects.  It has made me feel sleeplessness, manic, nauseated, hot flashes and high blood pressure.  Although, I’m always confused I was more so this time, and I’ve embarrassed myself a few times with my forgetfulness.

When you’re in pain and feeling sick and depressed you don’t won’t feel like being around people. So I spend my days with the remote control in my hand.

I keep hoping that one day, living with mental and physical pain will go away.  I just don’t know when that will be.  I’m already 64.


I made plans to drive to the Carolina Mountains alone told myself I was going to do what I’ve always wanted to do for a long time, but have been afraid.  I hiked at Dupont National Forest to the Waterfalls – it involved a lot of walk and climbing.  Very difficult but pushed myself.  I had my old walking stick and it pulled me alone and wouldn’t let me down.  As I just about crawled back to the car I patted myself on the back and cried.

I got back to my room and opened a bottle of wine not only for celebrating but also for the back spasms in my back.  Needless to say it was only driving the rest of the time.

I will be having hip replacement and I will go back for another try.


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