Living with Parkinson’s is very difficult. You don’t know from day to day how your going to feel. I use to be able to make plans, jump out of bed and out the door in a moments notice. I use to go go.
I loved traveling with my camera and looking for the road to a beautiful place. I enjoyed socializing and meeting to people. Now I’m afraid of what they see when they at me.
I had a very interesting life. I stayed single after my horrible marriage not wanting to get in the same situation. It’s a scarry thought of dying alone. I want to fix a way to enjoy the rest of my life.
I’ve been looking for him throughout my whole unlucky life. I went through domestic abuse, stalked, raped, alcoholism, and nearly committing suicide. Not counting the near death experience, and hospitalized many times. I felt God was no where – even when I pray. I feel that I just wasn’t listening.
When I first felt HIM is when I picked up a book called “Divine intuition.” I picked it up when I was at my lowest point.. When I was at the book store something leered me to the christian area and the first book I saw was “Divine Intuition.” It was about opening your mind to god and listening to what it had to say. I knew times that something would tell me what to do and what I shouldn’t do. The shouldn’t do’s is what got me in trouble. For instance, did you ever say to yourself I should leave that glass of water there, but do, and later you knocked it off the table? Well I did.
Later I realized that it was god speaking to me telling me it was not a good idea to lay the glass on the table at the edge. I now listen very carefully to what my intuition tells me – if it tells me it’s not a good idea. This has helped me in every way where my mistakes aren’t as frequent.
Divine Intuition are thoughts you receive from God.
I get so tired of sitting home and feeling sorry for myself. Plus, the days fly back and you wonder where the days went. You ask yourself, “What am I do with myself? Life is just passing me by.” I’ve been staying close to home with no social life. I use to be very outgoing and loved to have fun and flirt! But abuse torn me down and have been living a low profile, low self-esteem, and numb life.
However, I’m now trying to make my life better. It’s been hard with so many health issues but I felt like volunteering would help me. And it has. I feel so good about myself. I work at a hospital every week – one day in the emergency room helping and listening to the patients. I realize I’m not alone in my pain. It’s an awakening that my life could be worse. I also volunteer at the American Red Cross doing events, and working on the blood mobile. Both are helping others.
I’m now back at photography – photographing nature, which relaxes me. I love the outdoors! Great therapy!
In summary, I’m begging you, get off your butt and do something that helps others. Maybe there’s a hobby you have been wanting to try – do what makes you feel good, it can make a total difference in your life.
It took me awhile to get the guts to do it, but I prayed, and received the strength to move on with my life.
I ask this question every day. It’s always the same answer-Nothing exciting. My life is so lonely and sad. All my life I’ve had nothing but problems. I did a lot of drugs when I got out of high school and it’s causing health issues today. It started out with catching a disease from my spouse at the time. And other earth shattering events that caused harm in my life. This harm or shall I say abuse has stayed with me all my life. I can’t have a relationship because of my past. I don’t trust anyone and every thing someone says to me I believe is a lie. I don’t believe I can have a relationship with a man.
That’s a lonely feeling. So what am I suppose to do with my life. Right now I live in my little apartment hiding from the world. I’m afraid of a lot of things that keep me from exploring what’s outside. But I’m trying.
I have to make myself get into social environments. I can’t drive at night because I can’t see. The one thing to do this May is to get on the road to the mountains in west North Carolina. I hope I don’t freak out and cancel like I always do.I need ti be a lion lifting his head with a roar.
Roar Like A Lion
Living a life in fear
Is like dying
You feel like your dead inside
You don’t want to leave your house
You don’t want to be in crowd
You just want to be alone and feel safe.
What kind of life is this?
What am I going to do with the rest if my life
Do you ever feel like your mind is playing games with you? Do you think people are talking about you behind your back? How about lying to you? Blatantly, I don’t trust anyone.
Presently, I’m talking to my therapist that I do trust, because I’m paying her, to help me with these mind games. I lost all my confidence in life because I’ve never actually been loved by anyone that truly cares for me. Of course, my immediate family and child do. My marriage was a shamble and my relationships were abusive. I don’t trust anything someone tells me.. I feel like I’m disliked when I’m not. It’s a miserable world when everyday I feel this way. I would like a relationship with a man. But how if I don’t believe him or trust him? If I’m not around people I don’t have to worry what people think or say or how to act. Is this anti-social?
I’m no fearful of being hurt I don’t allow myself to let someone in my heart. I protect myself by not putting myself out there. When I meet a man I try to think of everything that can be wrong with him – then I want like him.
My mind is keeping me from being in a loving relationship with someone. My mind is causing issues with my friends and family. Could this be the bipolar causing my problems. Will I ever stop feeling this way. How to I get confidence again.
Rx Pyramid (Photo credit: Cult Gigolo)
Another evening of no sleep. I go through these occasionally when I’m taking Adderall. But, all in all I believe Adderall has helped me a lot. It’s giving me an all new outside world. It’s given me the gift of listening again. I find myself thinking like an adult again and go forward with the life I want to live.
I’m having shoulder replacement shoulder in a week. First, I was feeling sorry for myself and felt like I didn’t have any friends. It’s called a “Pity Party.” I bet you know what those are all about. But then it was like whammy – I got all of these friends that I didn’t know I had.
I’ve been all alone most of my life I didn’t know what a friend look or felt like. I’ve been abused so much of my life I just didn’t trust anyone so I overlooked the possibilities of a friend. Mostly I just wanted to hide from the world and forget what I could have had.
Now, I want it all. I’m even have thoughts of a relationship again but very slowly. I haven’t been in a relation for 8 years . Now, I would like a relationship, but not sure how. I will tell you the most attractive guys that I have met are all married or in a relationship. But, they’re the easiest to talk to. The single ones are still in their game style and always on the defense. I want someone who is laid back, no baggage, no kids, and honest. I also want to be on their number 1 list.
So does that mean I will be waiting a long time? Maybe being on Adderall will help me believe in myself and accept what is brought in front of me.
Importantly, anyone that is ADHD, PLEASE, try this drug it will make all the difference in your life. As long as your monitored by a doctor and find the right dosage. Remember – the dosage they give you may not be the right one. Experiment until you find the one for you.
In Fear We Hide Within Ourselves
I’ve lived in fear most of my life. I was fearful in my abusive marriage, and I feared getting a divorce. I was scared of raising my son on my own.
I raised my son until he was 9 years old. I became ill and had a hard time taking care of him. So I made the decision of letting my son go live Dad. I feared his dad, because he had abused me when we were married. Not only did I feel fear, but anger as well. It worked out being a good decision letting my son go. I felt terrible quilt and feared he may get mad at me for letting him go.
I moved on taking care of my illness to the point I almost lost my life. The doctor’s said I shouldn’t have survived. I felt God was there and decided it wasn’t my time – he had more work for me to do.
I had so many dreams, but mostly for my son to do well with his life. However, without him I felt so lost and lonely. I wanted to fulfill my dreams and I had a long road a head of me. I wanted to have my own little business, grand children, a cottage on the beach, my health to be stable, and photography.
I studied intuition and learned how to use it. If you want to be free of fear you need to move on with your life and put trust into God’s hands. We use fear to protect ourselves, but it’ also holding you back from your dreams. The only way to pursue your dreams is to step beyond your limits of your fears. Having fear is being afraid to fail. Having fear prevented me from reaching my dreams.
Now, I have moved on. I still have fears, but I’m not afraid to take risks. I have God in my corner and I listen to my intuitions. Hint: Intuition – the voice you hear when your trying to make a decision. Your hearing a voice say “go with door #1”, but you go with the 2nd door. You should have listen – door #2 was the wrong choice.
Fear has a way of controlling your thoughts not allowing you to move forward in life. Break the seal and move out of your comfort zone. It’s the only way to fulfill your dreams and be successful.