Don’t Panic – Wait a Day.

Moody

Moody

A month ago. my landlord asked that I move by June 1st.  Reason?  Wanted to rent my place as a summer rental.  I live on a small beach town and it’s very lively during the summer months.  She will make 600 a week instead of 600 a month.  When I moved to  the sq ft cottage I was told I could stay as long as I like.   The place was furnished so I sold most of my stuff except my couch, and a lot of clothes.

I was so upset to get the news.  I didn’t have the money to move nor the furniture to put it.   I panicked and became manic and couldn’t breathe.  I called my son and was bawling about what happen.  What do I do.  I also felt attached by this person.  I always feel that way.  Like “why are they doing these things to me – I’m a nice person – I don’t understand.”  My son always has his way in calming me down.  Mom, “I know how you are – It just happened, nothing you can do right now.  Things will come a little clearer tomorrow and you know what to do.

All my life bad things happen.  I’m always asking why.  I haven even remarried since my divorce in 1978.  Several relationships but none in the last 6 years.  I’m 62 and I don’t think this is going to happen.  I guess God is just waiting for the right person. But have to accept there may not be one out there.

My mine did become clearer the next day.  I attacked the situation by placing a notice on Facebook in my local area.  It came through.  A lady was looking for a roommate for a large beach house on the island.   I wasn’t thinking that I hate roommates only that I needed a place to stay.  My fear of course is not showing her that I have mental illness but a normal person. Can I do this without staying something stupid?  Updates coming..

 

 

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Does God Have a Plan

Solitude

Solitude

I always wonder why I was dealt a raw hand.  It seems all  my life nothing really good has come out of it.  Exceptions – my son, my dog, my camera and now the beach.  My high school years was a struggle because of my ADD and Bipolar that I didn’t  know I had because no one knew what it was back in the 60’s and 70’s.

Jobs? I had a lot of them.  My first real job was a well-known oil and gas company.    It was good until I started having black outs leading to very high blood pressure. I got on some good meds for it. But I also got involved with the wrong people and started drinking and drugging and then got fired from that job.

I got out of that phase and then was lucky to land several great jobs for the next 10 years until my depression hit again. My 5 year relationship ended after 5 years and  my son went into the army for 6 years. I thought my world had come to an end.

I was having trouble in my jobs – I was losing things, my grammar and writing were terrible, and I flew off my handle easily. Supervisors would keep complaining and put me on notice. I could understand what was going on.  But I got to the point I didn’t care. I would drink to make everything go away.  This continue until I wanted to end  my life.  However, I didn’t.  I had intervention. I searched for help for my depression and I found out other things about me.

That was the start of god coming into my life.  That’s when I started listening to my intuition and realized it was actually god whispering in my ears.  That’s when god was using others as a vessel to talk to me   God saved my life many times. But I still wonder why I have bad luck. After being alone for 50 years you would think I would meet someone.  I moved so often.  In fact just recently, I was told to leave from a very nice cottage on the beach that I thought was the one for me.  I was depressed and didn’t know where I was going to go.  I prayed for a miracle and it came. Within a day, I got an email from a lady wanting a roommate in a two-story beach house.  I keep asking God when is the testing going to stop – when are you going to let me settle? I think He is searching for the right place that will  for the plans he has for me. We were placed on this earth for a reason and one and I’m slowing see the picture.  I just hope it happens before I leave this earth.

I can only live from day-to-day because I do not know what tomorrow will bring.  I feel like a vagabond.

PLEASE IGNORE MY GRAMMAR AN SPELLING – BAD HANDICAP I HAVE.