A month ago. my landlord asked that I move by June 1st. Reason? Wanted to rent my place as a summer rental. I live on a small beach town and it’s very lively during the summer months. She will make 600 a week instead of 600 a month. When I moved to the sq ft cottage I was told I could stay as long as I like. The place was furnished so I sold most of my stuff except my couch, and a lot of clothes.
I was so upset to get the news. I didn’t have the money to move nor the furniture to put it. I panicked and became manic and couldn’t breathe. I called my son and was bawling about what happen. What do I do. I also felt attached by this person. I always feel that way. Like “why are they doing these things to me – I’m a nice person – I don’t understand.” My son always has his way in calming me down. Mom, “I know how you are – It just happened, nothing you can do right now. Things will come a little clearer tomorrow and you know what to do.
All my life bad things happen. I’m always asking why. I haven even remarried since my divorce in 1978. Several relationships but none in the last 6 years. I’m 62 and I don’t think this is going to happen. I guess God is just waiting for the right person. But have to accept there may not be one out there.
My mine did become clearer the next day. I attacked the situation by placing a notice on Facebook in my local area. It came through. A lady was looking for a roommate for a large beach house on the island. I wasn’t thinking that I hate roommates only that I needed a place to stay. My fear of course is not showing her that I have mental illness but a normal person. Can I do this without staying something stupid? Updates coming..
I always wonder why I was dealt a raw hand. It seems all my life nothing really good has come out of it. Exceptions – my son, my dog, my camera and now the beach. My high school years was a struggle because of my ADD and Bipolar that I didn’t know I had because no one knew what it was back in the 60’s and 70’s.
Jobs? I had a lot of them. My first real job was a well-known oil and gas company. It was good until I started having black outs leading to very high blood pressure. I got on some good meds for it. But I also got involved with the wrong people and started drinking and drugging and then got fired from that job.
I got out of that phase and then was lucky to land several great jobs for the next 10 years until my depression hit again. My 5 year relationship ended after 5 years and my son went into the army for 6 years. I thought my world had come to an end.
I was having trouble in my jobs – I was losing things, my grammar and writing were terrible, and I flew off my handle easily. Supervisors would keep complaining and put me on notice. I could understand what was going on. But I got to the point I didn’t care. I would drink to make everything go away. This continue until I wanted to end my life. However, I didn’t. I had intervention. I searched for help for my depression and I found out other things about me.
That was the start of god coming into my life. That’s when I started listening to my intuition and realized it was actually god whispering in my ears. That’s when god was using others as a vessel to talk to me God saved my life many times. But I still wonder why I have bad luck. After being alone for 50 years you would think I would meet someone. I moved so often. In fact just recently, I was told to leave from a very nice cottage on the beach that I thought was the one for me. I was depressed and didn’t know where I was going to go. I prayed for a miracle and it came. Within a day, I got an email from a lady wanting a roommate in a two-story beach house. I keep asking God when is the testing going to stop – when are you going to let me settle? I think He is searching for the right place that will for the plans he has for me. We were placed on this earth for a reason and one and I’m slowing see the picture. I just hope it happens before I leave this earth.
I can only live from day-to-day because I do not know what tomorrow will bring. I feel like a vagabond.
PLEASE IGNORE MY GRAMMAR AN SPELLING – BAD HANDICAP I HAVE.