When Is It Enough? Guardian Angel For Help!

Angeni (ahn-gay-nee) Native American Guardian Angel

Angeni (ahn-gay-nee) My Guardian Angel

No, I’m not trying to be weird.  My background heritage is Native American on both sides of my family.  I share their religious beliefs.  I actually think it helps me.

About 6 months or more ago my father fell  and ended in the hospital almost comatose for a week – he did not know where or who he was.  Then, he was in the nursery home for 3 months.  My mom can’t drive so my time was spent driving back and forth from the hospital everyday.  When he came home I fed him and took care of him until he felt, well, he said he felt better. He wasn’t.  He had develop Dementia/Alzheimer’s – He was a totally different person. To him, I was the black sheep.  I couldn’t do anything right. He blamed me for everything that went wrong.  Even stealing his money.  I had to go through that and handle my bipolar at the same time.  All I did was cry.  I’m crying again.

Recently, I had a wreck.  I was lost at the time and was very confused and got distracted so BAM – I hit someone.  I’m also going through bankruptcy.   You’ll laugh at this.  My car was going to be repossessed so I decided to file bankruptcy so they couldn’t take my car.  HA!  They can have it now!

I wonder how much I can take?

We took dad to he hospital again two days ago.  The doctors told us that he had a blood clot on his foot.  They’re not sure if it’s from the Stroke he suffered while in the nursing home, or his heart.  They’ll be doing some test tomorrow to find out.  The doctor told me today that his Alzheimer’s/Dementia has escalated.  This did not thrill me.

What does this mean? I’ll be losing my life.

I need medical attention myself.  My right foot is painful to walk on.  I had bunion surgery and they found a cyst in the joint of my big toe.  Now, I have developed osteoarthritis where it’s  painful to walk barefooted.  I have to use a cane to walk.

When is there enough?

Today, I had terrible bipolar thoughts going through my mind.  I actually said, why don’t you just fall in the hallway here in the hospital and let someone take care of you.  It was a thought only.

I have to do what I got to do.  I say the Serenity Prayer and then I  ask God to please help me and guide me through this ordeal.