I'm going to die if I don't stop!
I’ve never had support system from my family or peers on my Bipolar and Alcohol problem. They were in denial. I had to crawl out of that hell
hole called “alcoholism” alone then find the strength to changed my entire life. It’s not easy to not grab a bottle of wine and go back into my old ways. When I start feeling this way I reach for Higher Power and listen to my intuition. I pray.
Today my doctor increased my medications on Lithium and Lamical medications. She asked me about drinking and I had to admit I went to the beach with some people and had one glass of red wine. She got real upset! “Don’t do that it will interfere with your meds, plus it’s dangerous. It’ll kill you!m she said. No one has every talked to me in detail about my illness usually they just throw drug prescriptions they find in a med book – no talk.
I hope if anyone takes lithium – don’t drink with it or any other drugs. I don’t want to have to read the headlines “Another person found dead by mixing medications with alcohol.”
I got a comment on my other blog about nobody listening and she mentioned that it’s possible that my dad or anyone that knows you have a problem, probably doesn’t want to know you have it. Does that make since. My mom has been depressed for a long time and that’s the norm conversation over there. So I’m commenting on her comment here.
Thank you so much for your thoughts. Your right my dad has been helping mom a long time. When she gets he one of her moods – He says she’s having a bad day.
Dad isn’t a big hugger or outspoken as far as showing compassion. I made him aware one day when I was in rehab that I really needed help and support. I told him that he never has hugged or said I love you, and I needed that. My mom says it all the time to me. But I wrote him a email since he interrupts me and jokes about something instead of listening, and told him how I felt in the email. He’ll never mention that he read it and will just go on like nothing has happened.
You know I write here because I can’t find any real books out there where someone is talking about everyday problems, whether it’s an illiness, relationship or just everyday real happenings. So I started writing in this blog and in my other blogs. It is the one thing that I do love to do and that’s writing. I have since I can’t remember.
I remember being always sad when I was around 18 or 19. I felt lonely all the time and every poem that I wrote was really sad. I read them the other day and I started crying. It was all about lonliness. I must of been depressed for along time and didn’t really realize that something was really wrong with me. Doctors told me, but I didn’t listen, because when I said something to my parents they would say Oh, there’s nothing wrong with you. So that’s how it’s been with me.
But now I’m talking about it and I’m going to finally get some help with the research hospital. If they accept me I will test a new medication, be treated, therapy and the whole wash. I think I get paid for it to. It’s the only way I could get help since I didn’t have money or insurance. Man, I sound like a sad case!
Thanks for listening and being a friend.