Money Pit

Make My Budget!

Make My Budget!

Do you have problems maintaining your bank statement?  Have a hard time keeping up with your money?  Maybe you don’t feel it’s important.  Yes, I’m talking about me, but it could be you too.

My money is at the bottom of the pit.  I just can’t keep it.  One day it’s there the next it’s gone.   Problem #1 I don’t write down when I use the debit card, #2 I spent it without consideration of my balance in my checking account, #3 I spend it when I get it.  Part of my sickness with Bipolar is being compulsive.

I’ve talked to my family, my therapist, friends, and myself.  What can I do?  I keep praying money will appear from  somewhere.  Maybe win the lottery?  LOL!  Yesterday, a prayer was answered – I finally received my deposit from my previous landlord.  Where’s it going?  My savings account.   My goal is to try to have enough money by the end of the month.  I get one check a month, my disability check.  

I found this link How to Budget Your Money on WiKi   and it looks like an easy system to start a budget.   I started by going through this months statement and dividing what I spend in groups i.e. gas, groceries, bills, restaurants, etc.  This is an easy way to see where your money goes.  I was amazed.

Strange Feeling in the Air

_DSC2440 12x24 300Lately, I’ve been feeling a little different.  I’m not sure why, but I just know I’m not feeling the same.  Is it that I’ve cut back on the Lithium?  I’ve been feeling fat so I have stopped taking the dose I have been taking.  I seem calmer.  I do have some manic modes, but not like before. If I feel like I’m going to react to something like something my roommate will say I go to my room. I try to avoid the confrontations.

Today, my roommate had to work through the night and slept all day.  However, he still looked tired and grumpy. Lord, I don’t like him when he’s like that.  My intuition kept telling me this was not good sign.  I was feeling like I should run to my room, and I don’t like that feeling.  I was having instincts and intuitions that I’ve never felt before.  I finally asked him why the frown on you face?  He said, “I’m tired.”  I said, “Ok, so go to bed.”  It was funny he just said okay and went to bed.  I felt so relieved.  With that I went to my bedroom and watched a video and now I’m writing.


The one thing that bothers me right now is my money is slipping away from me.  I only get so much each month for social security disability.  I bought a car and half of by savings from the lump sum given to me by my social security is gone.  I’ve never been this low before.  I’m scared yet I’m trying to remain calm.  I think that I need to find ways to make money or/and sell some photos.  I did sell one but I need more.

I can’t like to a real job I wouldn’t know how any more. Besides I got fired from my last job because of my bipolar when it was getting bad.

I’ll just keep listening to my intuition and praying things will get better.

Still, I feel so much calmer than I did before.  Lithium?

Being Honest About Bipolar Can Open Doors

My new year is starting off by going to look at a possible new place to live.  It’s actually sharing with a couple of women my age.  I’m not real sure about it until I meet them.  I haven’t shared with anyone since 1976 when I was married.  It’s a big house in a great location, however, I will be leaving the beach area.   I love living here on the beach.  Everyone is so friendly and you can walk everywhere except where I need to go – the doctor.

My son or daughter in law have to come and get me to take me places I need to go.   There’s no buses and taxi’s are expensive.   With bipolar I need to be under a doctor’s care.  In fact, I have my first appointment with a new doctor in two days.  Plus, my medicare starts.  

While looking for a new place I’m asked the question, “What kind of job to you have?”  When I tell them I’m on Disability they treated me differently with the concern whether or not I could pay for an apartment.  I didn’t want to say I had bipolar and on disability.   That wouldn’t work.  Some people don’t understand it and in fact, I’ve been asked if I’m an axe killer.  HA! ha HA!

I decided to look at these run down cheap homes, but found they were not in great locations.  I started getting frustration and that’s when I decided to look on Craigslist for people who are looking to share. I thought I would never hear that word “share.”  I lived shared twice in my life once when I was 18 an swore I would never do it again, and when I got married. The marriage didn’t last and I’ve on my own since 1976.  That’s a lot of independency.  But it was also the start of my problems. 

I was thumbing through ads one after other getting very discouraged. I tried everyday and then this one ad popped out “Looking for a mature woman to share a large house in a nice area”  I called and a nice lady answered the phone.  Turns out she’s the same age as I am so that’s a good thing.  We arranged to the following weekend. 

Later that day, I took a walk to the beach and sat on a bench. It’s my special place to go talk to God.  We had a conversation, but I was doing most of the talking.  I told him about this opportunity and asked him please bring me someone who will be a great friend and place to live.  I told him I will listen and make the decision he has given me.   I felt something positive out of my conversation.

The day had come and my son came to pick me up to take me to meet my potential roommate.  I was very nervous.  The door opened and there stood my new roommate.  I knew it!   There was complete chemistry.  We talked and I had briefly told her on the phone that I was on disability, but I received a steady check each month.   Then, she did as the question.  Why are you on disability?  She had the right to know if she was bringing a stranger into her house.  I took a deep breath and just blurted it out “I have Bipolar.  But I’m not an axe murder.” She didn’t laugh. I was waiting for something.  Then she said, “I’m so glad you were honest about that because I know it was hard for you.” 

Later, we were discussing the big move and she asked  me what I thought and I told her I loved it.  My dog will have a big playmate.  She said that she felt it would be a good match and she was very happy I told her about bipolar that it meant a  lot to her.

Later that evening she called me and asked when I could move in. I jumped for joy and thanks God for his help.    

There is a time and place to tell someone you have bipolar.  Mostly it’s nobody’s business. But if your going to have a relationship with someone like moving in as a roommate you should tell them.  That way they can understand your moves.  So I’m very excited.