ADHD and Adderall

English: Symptoms of ADHD described by the lit...

English: Symptoms of ADHD described by the literature (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I finally got medication for my ADHD  that I’ve had when I was in school since 1970.  It’s amazing that a doctor who I’ve been visiting for my bipolar finally said I needed treatment for ADHD.  I asked my parents why I was never treated for ADHD and my mom told told me there was so such thing as ADHD back in the 70’s.  I remember being very frustrated, because I couldn’t figure out Math or English.  I was great in biology and gym and that was it.  I started having the attitude that if I just pass I’d be happy.  I started to hate school and wished I never had to go back. Why not just not quit?

I did graduate by a slight grade.  I never went to college, because I had to do math all over again but first I would need to take TASP, and knew I would fail.  However, I did take photojournalism, writing and basic photography and did pretty well.  I couldn’t go any further until I took the TASP so I never went to college.

I did have some really great jobs in my past – major advertising agency, national magazine, and an international makeup company. But for some  reason things started getting worse as I got older.  I’d get confused easily, organization was difficult, misplace things, forget things, and get angry easy.  My behavior was defensive and didn’t like people telling me I did something wrong.  I would become irritated and angry. I was always a top-notch administrative assistant – when someone would tell me I did something wrong the world would end.

It got to the point with my Bipolar and my ADHD  I could no longer maintain a job..  So what was I to do?   I decided to look into social security disability.   I was checked out and was decided I could no longer work. And I can’t! I tried it – if I tried to use a cash register I would have a panic attack.  If I tried to use a phone with too many lines – I would have a panic attack. Not only was it ADHD – I had Bipolar as well including a chronic terminal disease.

My doctor prescribed Adderall and I took the dosage she gave me, which was one in the morning and 1/2 at 1pm.  I did that for a week and went crazy!  It was like being on speed like I took back in the 70’s!  I hated it.  I almost chewed my tongue off!  Also, I found myself staying up still 3 or 4 in the morning.  I did get a lot of work done, however, I felt like crap the next day. I decided to stop for a day and start over and just take a quarter in the morning and 1/4 around 1pm. If you take the second one later than that 1pm you might have a hard time going to sleep.

The 1/4 dosage worked and  I feel so much  better.  I can focus and I can actually watch a full movie without loosing my focus. I  haven’t read a book in a long time and I haven’t felt like cleaning my house plus I was totally disorganized.

If you feel that you have any of the above symptoms please check them out before it gets later in years – it could save a lot of hardship and pain.

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Not Much To Say

Wrightsville Beach, NC

Over the last few days I wanted to write, but nothing would come to me. I’ve usually have something to say or something to complain about. Last night I was on here and nothing would come to me.  Lately, it seems that I’m always in a dream and I’m  thinking of nothing. Numb, that’s how I feel.

Today, someone emailed me and asked me if I was going to my friends art show.   This generated my feelings that I’ve been hiding. Last time we were together, I told him that we could not get intimate with him anymore, because of his little fling with this person.  Since then I have not seen him nor talked to him.  Maybe an email here or there. But nothing.  So it was only the sex?

Oh, I know I’m too old for him.  It’s just the thought of losing a friend or whatever who suffered from bipolar as you.  I could at least be myself.  I guess it didn’t want to be around someone like me.  I must admit he would try me crazy with his fast talking and telling me what I’m doing wrong all the time.  It all boils down to – I hate rejection and telling me I’m wrong.

I think the rejection and all that comes with it is something I’ve dealt with most of my life.  I hated being told I couldn’t do it right or say it right or act right.  Nothing I did was the right thing to do.

Oh, and I wonder why I’m the way I am.

Being Honest About Bipolar Can Open Doors

My new year is starting off by going to look at a possible new place to live.  It’s actually sharing with a couple of women my age.  I’m not real sure about it until I meet them.  I haven’t shared with anyone since 1976 when I was married.  It’s a big house in a great location, however, I will be leaving the beach area.   I love living here on the beach.  Everyone is so friendly and you can walk everywhere except where I need to go – the doctor.

My son or daughter in law have to come and get me to take me places I need to go.   There’s no buses and taxi’s are expensive.   With bipolar I need to be under a doctor’s care.  In fact, I have my first appointment with a new doctor in two days.  Plus, my medicare starts.  

While looking for a new place I’m asked the question, “What kind of job to you have?”  When I tell them I’m on Disability they treated me differently with the concern whether or not I could pay for an apartment.  I didn’t want to say I had bipolar and on disability.   That wouldn’t work.  Some people don’t understand it and in fact, I’ve been asked if I’m an axe killer.  HA! ha HA!

I decided to look at these run down cheap homes, but found they were not in great locations.  I started getting frustration and that’s when I decided to look on Craigslist for people who are looking to share. I thought I would never hear that word “share.”  I lived shared twice in my life once when I was 18 an swore I would never do it again, and when I got married. The marriage didn’t last and I’ve on my own since 1976.  That’s a lot of independency.  But it was also the start of my problems. 

I was thumbing through ads one after other getting very discouraged. I tried everyday and then this one ad popped out “Looking for a mature woman to share a large house in a nice area”  I called and a nice lady answered the phone.  Turns out she’s the same age as I am so that’s a good thing.  We arranged to the following weekend. 

Later that day, I took a walk to the beach and sat on a bench. It’s my special place to go talk to God.  We had a conversation, but I was doing most of the talking.  I told him about this opportunity and asked him please bring me someone who will be a great friend and place to live.  I told him I will listen and make the decision he has given me.   I felt something positive out of my conversation.

The day had come and my son came to pick me up to take me to meet my potential roommate.  I was very nervous.  The door opened and there stood my new roommate.  I knew it!   There was complete chemistry.  We talked and I had briefly told her on the phone that I was on disability, but I received a steady check each month.   Then, she did as the question.  Why are you on disability?  She had the right to know if she was bringing a stranger into her house.  I took a deep breath and just blurted it out “I have Bipolar.  But I’m not an axe murder.” She didn’t laugh. I was waiting for something.  Then she said, “I’m so glad you were honest about that because I know it was hard for you.” 

Later, we were discussing the big move and she asked  me what I thought and I told her I loved it.  My dog will have a big playmate.  She said that she felt it would be a good match and she was very happy I told her about bipolar that it meant a  lot to her.

Later that evening she called me and asked when I could move in. I jumped for joy and thanks God for his help.    

There is a time and place to tell someone you have bipolar.  Mostly it’s nobody’s business. But if your going to have a relationship with someone like moving in as a roommate you should tell them.  That way they can understand your moves.  So I’m very excited.

Bipolar: Stress – What We Can Do To Help?

Meditate & Exercise

There are an estimated number of two million Americans with bipolar disorder.  Stress is the one of the conditions that triggers your mania.   Even mild stress can make manic symptoms worse by making you feel more easily distracted, impulsive, and unable to make practical decisions.  Myself, I get very confused.  When someone simply asks me what I would like to do – I can’t make a decision right then.  I can’t make an immediate – my mind doesn’t work that way.  I had to know what might make my life a little easier. I never know when stress or mania will strike so I want to find something that might prevent it.  

Taking up a hobby great stress-buster.  I was getting stress over Christmas with my money flow looking very low so I decided to pick up crocheting.   I had to learn all over again, but it was like riding a bike.  Crocheting is very calming and it helps to tunes out what’s going on around you. Even noise – I’m very sensitive nose.  Luckily, I was able to make several Christmas presents.

The number one cause of stress is sleep problems.  Having insomnia keeps you tossing and turning, which stresses you out even more. People with bipolar disorder with their changes in sleep patterns can trigger episodes or make them worse. My favorite stress-buster is creating a spa like setting with bubbling warm bath water, soothing music and putting on your nicest pajamas and sink into your bed.  I like to pick up one of my favorite books and read until I get drowsy.

Research shows bipolar disorder is more likely to lead to substance abuse than any other mental illness.  Researchers have found that drinking and taking drugs tends to make bipolar episodes more frequent and severe, and can increase stress, anxiety, and other problems even more.

How about a support group?  People with bipolar disorder find that sharing their illness with other people with bipolar is beneficial to them.  When I talk to someone else with the same illness I get excited.  I want to ask them how they cope and if they have some of the same symptoms as I do.  Sometimes I’m not even sure about myself, but I know I’m not really comfortable around people who don’t have bipolar.  I always try to watch how I act or say.  Check the web site  or yellow pages for your local support group and give it a try.  I’m working on that anti-social phobia and it’s getting better.

What about a vacation?  I love vacation – it’s a time to meditate and reflect on your life and your goals.  I’m always dreaming about what I want to do with my life. 

Exercise?  Yes exercise.  That’s all I’ve been hearing lately.  I’ve put on a lot of weight since I found out I have bipolar and take medications.  I’ve got to say when I started walking it’s made me feel so much better and proud of myself.  Not only that, but it helps you sleep better and boosts the release of endorphins, those feel-good chemicals that help fight stress.

Finally, writing has been the best therapy I’ve discovered.  In writing you find a subject and I’m a big subject so I’ve done a lot research on bipolar disorder.  I find out more about my illness and it helps me to understand myself.  I also hope that my writings will reach others with the same illness.   Hopefully, you will feel comfortable commenting and corresponding.

Once last thing.  I have ADHD with horrible grammar and punctuation so  please forgive me.

Withdrawing from Effexor Is Not Easy-Get Ready for a Roller Coaster Ride

It’s been about two weeks since I started weaning myself off of Effexor.  I never know what to expect when the ride is coming the time release  has a mind of its own.  The side effects have ranged from being very tired mania, sweating, confusion, and anxiety. I never know how I’m going to  feel or react.  It the even the drug gives me mania. I breathe like I just ran a  race, I’m hyper, can’t sleep, but I get a lot done and I get many creative ideas.

I must  interrupt here – part of anxiety today was trying to watch the Dallas Cowboy game.  I’ve moved to North Carolina and the game is not on here. I’ve been trying everything to just listen to in the radio. I’ve tried and  now I just want to know the score is.  I’m a Dallas Cowboy crazy fan.  Yep, the mania set in.

I just hope weaning off this medication works. Time will tell what direction I should take.

Effexor: Doctors Didn’t Tell Me – The Horrible Side Effects/Withdrawals

Guardian Angel Watches Over Me

 

First, I want to say I’m having a little trouble seeing.  My eyes are blurring and can’t see my computer screen very well.  My brain skips a little and tries to go on vacation when I’m typing.  So forgive me with the bad spelling and grammar.  I not good at it anyway, but it might be worse.

 

Second, WHY! didn’t the doctors tell me about the horrible side effects of this drug Effexor?  Are they not allowed to per the drug company.  What if a person dies or commits suicide, because someone didn’t warn her or him about the bad withdrawal effects?  I’d like to hear why. 

On with my day – Today was a terrible day.  I didn’t take my  Effexor this morning, and that wasn’t a good idea. I became a tyrant. I chewed the bank lady out and threatened to close my account.  I almost screamed at this lady for parking her cart in front of me causing me to almost run into it. If anyone crossed me I was ready for action. Manic comes quickly, my head starting hurting, stomach became nausea, just felt  awful.  I was out trying to shop a little and I had to stop everything and go home and get in bed.  My eyes became sensitive to light so I turn it off, covered my head with a blanket, and rested for a while.  I took the half of Effexor I’ve narrowed myself down to. I’m not sure how it will affect me tonight since it’s time release.  When I take it in the morning I up most of the night.

Having bipolar is not easy if your taking medications.  I sometimes wonder how I would do without them. But then I remember how I was before I started taking Lithium. I was on several antidepressants but didn’t like any of them.   I mean the Lithium has been good for the Bipolar, and the Effexor XR  is for depression and anxiety.  I was diagnosed with stong mania so this drug really makes it worse. To me it causes more anxiety which initiates my manic-depressive.  I  don’t know about you – but why take something that makes your symptoms worse? The doctor told me it might help with ADHD.  That would be nice.  She forgot to tell me about the side effects/withdrawals.

I’m torn between getting off of Effexor X R or just take a very low dose.  I was taking 75 mg and now I just half the capsule.  The last count was 30 grains. 

I’ve been reading other people comments on WiseGeek.  You need to read it.  I had no idea what brain shivers or zapping was until I read it.  They are part of the withdrawal symptoms.

I’ll check later on my spelling and grammer – got to go now.

Bipolar: Substance Abuse Linked To Suicide Risk In Vets

This subject bothers me.  Our men go to war and no one can understand what they see or how they feel unless that have been there.  It’s like bipolar – you don’t know what’s it like because you don’t have it.  But when it leads to suicide someone needs to take steps to stop it.  There have been too many suicides in our men and women.  Bipolar is an illness that is not to be forgotten about it needs to be dealt with.

Please read this article and see for yourself – via Bipolar, substance abuse linked to suicide risk in vets – The Chart – CNN.com Blogs.