Since my last entry my life has been on a roller coaster. I made the decision to stop my bipolar and hormone pills. Both deal with the chemistry in your mine. I wanted to do it alone. I’m tired of pills and spending the money on them. I have only a part time job making $6.55 an hour and collecting unemployment. With those I’m only getting by.
After several tests from doctors I was told about my bipolar, ADD and mini strokes. Here I was blaming the ghost for hiding items I couldn’t find. “LOL” I’m always loosing keys, glasses, purses and well just about anything I touch. I try to put items in the same place everyday. I even post notes to remind myself. I forget to remind myself. Maybe I should post notes not to buy wine and cigarettes all around the house. I hate to be controlled and I’m allowing these THINGS to take over my mind!
THINGS HAVE TO Change or I’m going to go crazier. I decide to write myself a prescription for life by exercising, eating healthier, stop smoking, stop drinking and stop the impulse buying. Just stop going crazy! It’s been a long road dealing with hot flashes, pain, anger and just not feeling good. Along with my Hepatitis C it makes it a little more difficult, because it slows me down. When I don’t drink and smoke I feel worse. The only way to feel better is to drink and smoke. But I don’t want to. I’m tired of it controlling my life day by day. When I wake up in the morning I don’t know which me will show up. I may wake up and feel great and say “I’m not going to drink, and I’m only going to think positive. Today, I’ll tell everyone to have great day.”
One prescription I wrote myself was that I was going learn to be a business woman. This is something I have wanted and dreamed of for a long time, but was afraid to try it. I’ve always felt stupid since I didn’t go to college. I was afraid to take the TASP!
I did some research and decided to take risk and open my eBay store. Today, I owe my business my sanity. Opening my eBay store has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. It gives me something that’s mine and to take charge and learn on the way. In order to be successful you have to work hard. I’ve been researching, reading, and studying all the things that I use to do. I was horrible in school. I never could comprehend words, pages, numbers or anything else. Everything was harder for me. I feel that I had lost a job, because of my grammar skill. I’m trying to make something of myself. I want to make my family especially my son to be proud of his mom. He has made me proud – now its time to make my son.
I want you to know that with disabilities this doesn’t mean you have to give up – keep trying – make yourself proud. I feel that I’m smarter now than I have every been by teaching myself. I want let anyone take that from me. I have a lot to learn to be successful and I’m n ot giving up on myself. One of those is to be a better writer.
You can always visit my eBay store to see what I have accomplished. I’m still working on and I won’t give up. I’m so proud of myself and I’m going to keep going forward – not backward.