Bipolar & ADD: I Tend to Isolate

Vickie Hibler Photography©

Vickie Hibler Photography©

It’s been almost a year since I’ve written about Bipolar.  I have gone through so many changes and I’m still not sure of everything.   There’s so much I want to share with other Bipolar and ADD people so I hope your out there. Other problems, high blood pressure, vertigo, early stages of dementia.  I’m doom.

I don’t want to feel alone.  Which is what I’ve been feeling most of my life.  I haven’t had a true friend longer than I can remember.  I seem to have become a anti social person and I love people.  What have I done to try to pull myself out of this funk?  I’ve gotten more involved in my photography by shooting fashion shows, portraits and head shots for actors.  It’s good therapy too. Also, I started doing extra work in films here in North Carolina with my first one being Iron Man 3. I have many Facebook friends. Friends?  Not one true friend.

I imagine that people hate me and not want to be around me.  I never get ask to do anything. My imagination is what causes most of my problems. This has caused me to isolate myself so I won’t  put myself in situations where I’ll say something stupid or do something wrong.  Words come out of my mouth that I don’t mean. 

An example of my imagination and forgetfulness. I was feeling really lonely this week when I thought I hadn’t heard from my  son for a long time. I felt I had done or said something wrong.  He’s my only son so it makes it even worse.  I had just seen him 6 days ago so time as been a problem with me as well.

This is just the beginning of catching up.  Since I’m very forgetful I’ll need to go through my journal to help me.

I’m open to any suggestions or comments. 🙂

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I Found Me – Bipolar Woman

Famous Boulder at Ft. Fisher

Famous Boulders at Ft. Fisher

I moved to Wilmington, NC in 2011 to be near my son and grandchildren.  First thing I did was find a doctor to make sure I didn’t run out of Lithium, along my antidepressants.  My antidepressants changed periodically until I found the right one – Celexa.  I have fought hard to get to where I am now.  I quit drinking and smoking three years ago and sought help for my bipolar, made a change in my life by moving to a new environment, and sought help for my illness.  I haven’t looked by.

One of the first things I did was set up a Facebook Account – best thing I’d ever done.  Well not the only one.  With Facebook I found out about the website meetup.com.  I’ve always been a  photographer, but just never continued pursuing when I got sick.  I  joined a camera group and began meeting other photographers.  It was great speaking to other people who enjoyed the same thing.

Now, I’m known as a great photographer in this little town.  I had a film Camera  when I moved here, but noticed the other photographers had digital camera’s.  I had to fit in right? So I bought a Nikon Digital camera and I’m loving it. I didn’t know it was all about mathematics and I hate math.  But I taught myself and after two years I got something right.  I was and I’m not going to give up. I want to make something out of my live instead of bad memories. Plus, I want to make my children and son proud.

On Vickie Hibler Photography page you will be seeing my work in progress, and the successful photographer I have become.

Please take note that my Photography page is going through transition.

Just know you can be any body you want to be but you have to work hard at it and not give up.

Manic Kicks In When The Sun Goes Down

Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights

Now with daylight savings time darkness comes pretty late, and then I can’t settle down. I’ll think of all kinds of things to. My mind is always racing – endless chatter.  Like right now – I’m all wired up and can’t seem to close this damn computer.  I just sit in this bed working on Facebook, playing with my photographs, and reading.  I can’t seem to get anything right in my opinion.

I’m trying to select some pictures to sell at the art show, along with my juried one.  I CAN’T MAKE A DECISION!  I’ve played with them so much I’ll probably screw them up.  This digital photography is almost too much for my ADD and Bipolar mind.  But, I keep trying I’ll give myself that.  I’ve always loved a challenge, and I’ll keep trying until I succeed or not.  I’m the type that takes the hardest stuff first, and then work myself down to what should have been the first challenge.  For instance, I’m trying to teach myself Adobe Photoshop.   It’s so technical, but if you can master it you will succeed.  Some of the pictures on this site was edited in Photoshop.

I work very hard at everything I do.  I grew up being very hard on myself – I just don’t like failing. My dad once said to me “you quit every thing you start.”  I guess that’s why I’m this way.

It’s time to move on – have a great evening.