Lucky With with God

074b473ce5c09e97a12620116c0c117d

Being lucky is what I feel.   I  accepted GOD into my life by being baptized again not long ago.  I was feeling lost, and nothing seem to be going right.  Actually, I’ve felt lost most of my life.  

But, I decided no more.  Even though Arthritis and Neuropathy has taken over my live.  I’m unbalanced, can’t walk without stumbling, and in extreme pain all the time. My memory and vertigo is intolerable. Then I said, “I’m not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself anymore.”  The doctors didn’t seem to care. They tell me, “I don’t know.”  Or, “It’s not in my job description.”  I asked God for help, and he answered by giving me strength.

I’m trying to walk more, by not using my cane.  I stretch and exercise more. I have delved into learning how to paint.  Luck has it, I got accepted into a art show, asked to photograph a fashion show, and I feel stronger.

In the Later Years God Is There

kure2poetry-72This is about me turning to the Lord for help.

I’ve been through so many emotions;  lot of physical pain,  emotional pain, loneliness.  It gets to a point when it just has to stop.  This is not a normal life, in fact, I can remember when I’ve had one.  I guess when I was a teenager.

My emotions changed after the marriage and abuse. The divorce was a start of a new life, but I chose the wrong path into drugs and alcohol and the wrong men.  All this lead to abuse and rape.  Ending up in mental institute for depression and attempted suicide. I found out then that I have Bipolar (A disorder associated with episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs). Also, I’ve had ADHD  (A chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness), since I was real young.

My life never got better. For some reason as we get older our bodies go through changes. For me I think my past life was hard on my body and mind, so now I’m suffering the mental and physical effect.  My emotions are very sensitive where my feelings get hurt easily, and on the other side when someone is rude to me I speak up.  I don’t take crap from people now like I did all my life.

Physically, I’m a complete mess, that’s what the doctor tells me. I have what they call  Osteoarthritis (called degenerative joint disease or “wear and tear” arthritis), in the back, well all over.  I had a shoulder replacement and it hurts still.  My neck will need an operation after the first of the year.  And then there’s this embarrassing symptom call incontinence.  I’m back to buying pads for my nightly accidents.  When I had a full hysterectomy I was actually happy since I would have no periods and no pads.

And then there the depression, and loneliness.  Feeling alone when  you don’t see your family as much as you like.  You feel abandoned.  It’s not easy when you’re a senior to meet friends.

I changed that by moving into a senior living complex and made some friends. Then I met this nice 84 year lady with a dog so we walk our dogs.  When she ask me to go to church with her I stumbled on my words, but said that would be nice.

Now, I’ve been going to church twice a week now for 5 weeks.  The people there have been so nice and warm and they make me feel special.  I’m now thinking about joining the church.  I was baptized when I was 13 or 14, but I didn’t know the importance of having GOD in your life-like I do now.  Now, I never wanted anyone in my life as much as I do now. God is my savior.

God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven, and earth, and the sea, and all things that are in them; and in one Christ Jesus, the Son of God, who became incarnate for our salvation; and in the Holy Spirit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Journaling and Listening to your Intuition

“The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be.
~Shakti Gawain

I was 17 years old.  I wrote my thoughts, poetry, and music. . When I went back and read my journals they were depressing.  I was a very depressed and lonely person, and It was mostly about relationships. After reading my past journals they helped me to grow and not make the same mistakes now as I did then. By recording your thoughts you’ll have new insights on your moods and behavior.  

Journaling can help solve a problem and improve your mental health.  It will clear your thoughts of all that chatter going on in your mind.

In addition, writing in a journal is an effective tool for use in the healing process. It  will improve your outlook on life and, and help your insight on life become clearer.

Start writing about where you are in life.  How is it?  Did you have a good day?  Or, how do you feel today?  Describe your living situation, your work, and your relationships.  What could you do to make your daily life less stressful.

Ever tried free writing? Put your pen to the paper and write whatever comes to your mind. Don’t stop writing and don’t worry about the grammar, punctuation, or spelling. You can edit later.

Take selfie’s with your iPhone with a smile and make different expressions. Learn to love and accept yourself, and like who you are today. The world we live in is a magical and a mysterious place. Write what you see around you. Go on a road trip and take pictures and write about what you see.

An important tool to lean is your intuition.  We all have intuition and you’ll need to learn how to listen to it.   What does intuition mean?

“The ability to understand something immediately,
without the need for conscious reasoning.
 “Allow our intuition to guide us”
 
Intuition is magical like ESP. We all have it just need to learn how to use it.  To me it’s my higher power whispering in my ears trying to help me.  Let’s say you have a tendency of putting your drink on the edge of the table. But your thoughts are telling you not to put the glass there. Then later in the evening you get up not thinking of the glass on the table, and you knock it off.  Red wine everywhere!  Or, you start to walk to your car, but your inner thoughts or intuition is telling you to check and make sure you locked your door. But, you ignore it. Latter, you come home and the door was unlocked. You ask yourself, “Why, didn’t I listen to myself!”
You’ll be amazed how different your daily life will be if you just listen to your thoughts or intuition.
Now, start writing.

Acceptance

Rose-antiquesigThere are many things that happen in our life that aren’t fair – illness, or injury.  Accepting these situations means focusing your strength and energy on letting go of yourself to God, and he’ll see you through the hard times,  Or let the anger, frustration, sadness and self-pity destroy you.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

–Proverbs 3:5-6

DOCTORS, THANK GOODNESS FOR GOD

copyright-Vickie Hibler Photography

copyright-Vickie Hibler Photography-copying is prohibited

THE BAD

I have been experiencing a lot of physical problems, but maybe it’s all in my head.  That’s the way the doctors make me feel when I tell them about my issues.

I’ve been experiencing headaches, dizziness, fading out, falling, unbalanced, shortness of breath, heart beating rapidly, and my hip-joint pain. Did I mentioned Vertigo? The doctors just say it’s the medication I take. That’s good so why do you give them to me?

It just seems that doctors don’t care anymore.  Or, may since I’m a senior they think it’s all in my head. Could it be? Sometimes I think it is, but I know me better then they do.  I’m just about to give up on doctors. I’m tired of them making me feel worse before I got to the appointment.  It’s a horrible feeling when there’s no one listening or willing to help.

At a bad time in my life, I was hinting to family and friends about the way I was feeling – hurt, lonely and depressed.  I lost my long relationship and my son went in the army for 6 years.  I was scared and alone. They didn’t hear me.  I started binge drinking and attempted suicide.  I just didn’t care anymore.  I went to rehab for 6 weeks and it  was the worse experience I ever had.  All they do is drug you up so you want cause any trouble.

THE GOOD

5 years ago I stopped drinking and smoking – cold turkey.  Looking back, I now know it was a God thing. He intervened and saved me. That’s one of the  things I have found good in my life is finding God again.  Although, I looked to him in the past, I never really felt he heard me.  Now I do.  Besides the the physical ailments.  My soul is feeling good.

We should understand that God’s purpose for you will be revealed to you overtime.  God will reveal to you in his own time and place.  Be looking for him.

Forgiveness is My New Journey to Happiness

Vickie Hibler Photography "My New Journey"

Vickie Hibler Photography
“My New Journey”

I’ve been struggling for years to forget my past. i have had such angry and couldn’t trust anyone that I’ve never gotten into another relationship.

I wish I could have said a long time ago “Forgive him for he did not know what he was doing.” (Luke 23:35)  If I had forgiven, I would not have harbored so much anger and hatred for 37 years.  For years I didn’t have faith in God.  But things changed when I listen to my intuition and I knew it was him.

Forgiveness, takes more strength than I have. It’ll take God’s strength. I took his hand and something happened. I opened my heart up to him and let him in. I don’t feel that anger anymore.  I want to find love again.

I’m taking a new path to a new life’s journey.

Finding God Through Divine Intuition

DahilaI’ve been looking for him throughout my whole unlucky life. I went through domestic abuse, stalked, raped, alcoholism, and nearly committing suicide.  Not counting the near death experience, and hospitalized many times. I felt God was no where – even when I pray. I feel that I just wasn’t listening.

When I first felt HIM is when I picked up a book called “Divine intuition.”  I picked it up when I was at my lowest point..  When I was at the book store something leered me to the christian area and the first book I saw was “Divine Intuition.”  It was about opening your mind to god and listening to what it had to say. I knew times that something would tell me what to do and what I shouldn’t do. The shouldn’t do’s is what got me in trouble. For instance, did you ever say to yourself I should leave that glass of water there, but do, and later you knocked it off the table?  Well I did.

Later I realized that it was god speaking to me telling me it was not a good idea to lay the glass on the table at the edge.  I now listen very carefully to what my intuition tells me – if it tells me it’s not a good idea. This has helped me in every way where my mistakes aren’t as frequent.

Divine Intuition are thoughts you receive from God.

Does God Have a Plan

Solitude

Solitude

I always wonder why I was dealt a raw hand.  It seems all  my life nothing really good has come out of it.  Exceptions – my son, my dog, my camera and now the beach.  My high school years was a struggle because of my ADD and Bipolar that I didn’t  know I had because no one knew what it was back in the 60’s and 70’s.

Jobs? I had a lot of them.  My first real job was a well-known oil and gas company.    It was good until I started having black outs leading to very high blood pressure. I got on some good meds for it. But I also got involved with the wrong people and started drinking and drugging and then got fired from that job.

I got out of that phase and then was lucky to land several great jobs for the next 10 years until my depression hit again. My 5 year relationship ended after 5 years and  my son went into the army for 6 years. I thought my world had come to an end.

I was having trouble in my jobs – I was losing things, my grammar and writing were terrible, and I flew off my handle easily. Supervisors would keep complaining and put me on notice. I could understand what was going on.  But I got to the point I didn’t care. I would drink to make everything go away.  This continue until I wanted to end  my life.  However, I didn’t.  I had intervention. I searched for help for my depression and I found out other things about me.

That was the start of god coming into my life.  That’s when I started listening to my intuition and realized it was actually god whispering in my ears.  That’s when god was using others as a vessel to talk to me   God saved my life many times. But I still wonder why I have bad luck. After being alone for 50 years you would think I would meet someone.  I moved so often.  In fact just recently, I was told to leave from a very nice cottage on the beach that I thought was the one for me.  I was depressed and didn’t know where I was going to go.  I prayed for a miracle and it came. Within a day, I got an email from a lady wanting a roommate in a two-story beach house.  I keep asking God when is the testing going to stop – when are you going to let me settle? I think He is searching for the right place that will  for the plans he has for me. We were placed on this earth for a reason and one and I’m slowing see the picture.  I just hope it happens before I leave this earth.

I can only live from day-to-day because I do not know what tomorrow will bring.  I feel like a vagabond.

PLEASE IGNORE MY GRAMMAR AN SPELLING – BAD HANDICAP I HAVE.

My Best Is Ahead

Tonight I’m feeling really old.  I went to a rehearsal for a fashion show, and had to climb a flight of stairs up and down, up and down.   I don’t like being different from I use to me.  I use to be 125 pounds and active.  Now I’m 62, and 155 lbs, and not as active and  everything hurts.

I haven’t done has much exercise because of the cold and icy days.  But I do get on the floor and stretch and do sit ups.  However, when I sit a while it takes anchors to get me up.  My legs and feet hurt!  Why do I hurt?  Why do I have to be old.

Don’t dismay I tell myself – it’s going to be Spring soon, and I will be more active and get into better shape.  But now just rest and be ready.  Do not be hard on yourself my child it’s only the beginning of something great that I have in store for you.  You are going to  be the best at what you do.  Your going to create something magnificent.  The best is ahead. These are my words.

Man was that powerful.  I do believe it was God who spoke those words.  I do believe.

Best of My Life New Year 2011

My New Year started off really great.  I had my family with me – son, daughter-in-law and two grand children. This is new for me because I have been alone most of my life.  Alone on holidays, birthdays, mother’s days, alone in a single room suffering from bipolar and alcoholism.  Now, God has given me a second chance, and now I’ll get it all.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been out on New Years Eve.  I use to sit on the corner of my red stained couch, fouled smell smokey apartment and drink and usually I was passed out before midnight.  I didn’t go out only to th grocery and liquor store.  No relationships of any kind.  No one every came to see me.  I was alone and no one knew what I was going through.  I just knew I was in pain.

Now, for the time in years I went out on New Years Eve.  The evening couldn’t have been more perfect. I was with my son, daughter-in-law, and my loving  grand children. We went out to eat to a really fun place across from the beach.  Afterwards, we walked along the boardwalk, and beach.  It was absolutely beautiful!   The weather had cleared up allowing for the perfect evening. The boardwalk was lit up with Christmas lights and music transposing a very festive atmosphere.  We could hear the sound of the waves hitting the sandy banks. When you looked up the sky was a glowing dark midnight blue with the brightest stars you have ever seen.  In fact, it’s the first time I’ve seen the Big Dipper, planets and stars in a long time. There was one star that stood out from the rest.  The star was the largest and brightest and was pulsating as if it was alive.  I don’t know why – I felt a calm come all over me. I knew who it was. I just smiled and nodded and said thank you. 🙂