Tonight I’m feeling really old. I went to a rehearsal for a fashion show, and had to climb a flight of stairs up and down, up and down. I don’t like being different from I use to me. I use to be 125 pounds and active. Now I’m 62, and 155 lbs, and not as active and everything hurts.
I haven’t done has much exercise because of the cold and icy days. But I do get on the floor and stretch and do sit ups. However, when I sit a while it takes anchors to get me up. My legs and feet hurt! Why do I hurt? Why do I have to be old.
Don’t dismay I tell myself – it’s going to be Spring soon, and I will be more active and get into better shape. But now just rest and be ready. Do not be hard on yourself my child it’s only the beginning of something great that I have in store for you. You are going to be the best at what you do. Your going to create something magnificent. The best is ahead. These are my words.
Man was that powerful. I do believe it was God who spoke those words. I do believe.
Do you ever feel like your mind is playing games with you? Do you think people are talking about you behind your back? How about lying to you? Blatantly, I don’t trust anyone.
Presently, I’m talking to my therapist that I do trust, because I’m paying her, to help me with these mind games. I lost all my confidence in life because I’ve never actually been loved by anyone that truly cares for me. Of course, my immediate family and child do. My marriage was a shamble and my relationships were abusive. I don’t trust anything someone tells me.. I feel like I’m disliked when I’m not. It’s a miserable world when everyday I feel this way. I would like a relationship with a man. But how if I don’t believe him or trust him? If I’m not around people I don’t have to worry what people think or say or how to act. Is this anti-social?
I’m no fearful of being hurt I don’t allow myself to let someone in my heart. I protect myself by not putting myself out there. When I meet a man I try to think of everything that can be wrong with him – then I want like him.
My mind is keeping me from being in a loving relationship with someone. My mind is causing issues with my friends and family. Could this be the bipolar causing my problems. Will I ever stop feeling this way. How to I get confidence again.