Roadblocks of Life Can Make You Stronger

Silence is Calm
Silence is Calm

It seems like every time I turn around something else is happening in my life.  Having bipolar is not fun – it takes every bit of guts to try and be strong.  My memory hasn’t been good lately and I have so much going on in my life. I actually run my own little business and it takes every concentration that I have.  Yes, I make mistakes, but we do learn from them.  Let’s see where should I start.

1) Bipolar

2) Hepatitis C

3) High Blood Pressure

4) Over the Border Diabetes’s

4) Hyperkalemia (high potassium)

5) Osteoarthritis

Plus, I’m having swelling in my legs and feet   Eight years ago, I had my bunions removed.  The doctor found cysts in my big toe joint, additionally I had osteoarthritis.  Today, it’s painful to walk on my right food.  I have to use a cane.

I broke my leg about 10 years ago – fibula, tibia and my ankle.  It’s now giving me problems.  Let’s see what else?

I committed myself to the mental hospital.  I was very depressed and lonely and started drinking every day and night.  I finally lost and tried to cut myself, but I felt an intervention so I stopped and called the doctor. I was diagnosed with Bipolar.

Yes, I’ve had a hard life and that’s not all of it.  No wonder I have bipolar, right?

I couldn’t cry before when I was drinking too much.  I was numb.  I was angry and I didn’t care.  That’s changed.

It’s okay to cry – it’s okay to feel.  That’s the way I feel.  All the stuff that has happened in my life has actually made me a stronger person.  I’ve been up and over the mountain so many times.  I just say if it’s meant to be so be it.

I cry for others when I see them so torn apart they cannot live in the existence.   I wouldn’t be here now if I hadn’t be strong.  Oh, there were times that I went out of control and hide.  Threatened to do something drastic, but every time something would intervene.  Then I decided it was my God who was looking over me.  That’s how I’ve been living my life.

I cry for me only when I don’t listen to the soft whispers in my ear. It’s the voice of My God.


Hyperkalemia – Just Another Problem

I got some mail yesterday from the mental clinic I go to for my bipolar.  Inside was my blood test results and in there they said I needed to go to the doctor quickly, because of the test results. Boy was I surprised.  Not only is my Hepatitis enzymes high, but now I have something called Hyperkalemia.  What’s that? Well, I did some research and never thought I would have something like this.

I’ve had Hepatitis C for a while since since the 1990’s.   I’m not sure how I got it.  I had  a series of operations in 1989 – 1990 and  had to have transfusions since I lost so much blood.  Through out the years I have undergone treatment and each time I had to stop and go back to work.  I was never able to complete my treatments, because I had to feed myself and pay bills.

Today, I can’t find a job I can do.  Either you have to stand too much, sit too long, use your mind.  All those is hard to do.   It’s so depressing.  Lately, I’ve been crying a lot.  I’m so tired of being in pain and my memory is getting worse.  What’s even worse is I’m on 57 years old and I feel like I’m 80. My mom is 83 and we look like twins when we’re walking side by side.

Hyperkalemia is a scary name.  I looked it up and it’s a term for potassium.  I have too much potassium in my body.  Here’s what I found out about Hyperkalemia (potassium).

Potassium is involved in regulating muscle tissue, and is part of digestion, metabolism, and homeostasis (maintaining a balance between the many electrical and chemical processes of the body).

Hyperkalemia occurs when the level of potassium in the bloodstream is higher than normal. This may be related to an increase in total body potassium or the excess release of potassium from the cells into the bloodstream.

The kidneys normally remove excess potassium from the body. Therefore, most cases of hyperkalemia are caused by disorders that reduce the kidneys’ ability to excrete potassium.”

It’s possible this is the reason my legs and feet are swollen and painful all the time.  This can also look like you gained weight on the scales. On the other side –  It could be my Hepatitis that’s causing all these problems.  Hepatitis can cause a lot of problems with your joints, muscles, organs and more.  When I was diagnosed many moon ago I was told this might happen.  But what am I to do?  Once you have it you have it.  I haven’t heard of anyone being cured.

Now, would be a good time to get on the treatment again.  But I don’t know how.  How do you do that we your not working and you don’t have insurance.  The treatment is very expensive.

I am trying to get disability.  I’ve already been to one doctor and next week I go to another doctor their sending me to. How many do I have to go to.    It would solve some problems by giving me the money to go to a doctor and possibility get some treatment.

Is there help out there.