What am I going to do the rest of my life?

I ask this question every day.  It’s always the same answer-Nothing exciting.  My life is so lonely and sad.  All my life I’ve had nothing but problems. I did a lot of drugs when I got out of high school and it’s causing health issues today.  It started out with catching a disease from my spouse at the time.  And other earth shattering events that caused harm in my life. This harm or shall I say abuse has stayed with me all my life. I can’t have a relationship because of my past.  I don’t trust anyone and every thing someone says to me I believe is a lie. I don’t believe I can have a relationship with a man.

That’s a lonely feeling.  So what am I suppose to do with my life. Right now I live in my little apartment hiding from the world. I’m afraid of a lot of things that keep me from exploring what’s outside.  But I’m trying.

I have to make myself get into social environments.  I can’t drive at night because I can’t see.  The one thing to do this May is to get on the road to the mountains in west North Carolina. I hope I don’t freak out and cancel like I always do.I need ti be a lion lifting his head with a roar.

Roar Like A Lion

Roar Like A Lion

Living a life in fear

Is like dying

You feel  like your dead inside

You don’t want to leave your house

You don’t want to be in crowd

You just want to be alone and feel safe.

What kind of life is this?

What am I going to do with the rest if my life

Survive….

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