Bipolar – Hypomania

Triple Falls-Dupont National Forest

Triple Falls-Dupont National Forest

Definition: Hypomania (literally “under mania” or “less than mania”) is a mood state characterized by persistent disinhibition and pervasive elevated (euphoric) or irritable mood but generally less severe than full mania.

This is a horrible feeling.  I haven’t felt this since I was first diagnosed.   I’ve always been hyper but this was almost out of control.  It actually was scaring me. I couldn’t stay still I had to do something all the time. When watching TV I had to be reading, searching on the computer or iPhone.  My mind was always spinning with all kinds of thoughts. 
I’ve got a project going right now creating jewelry for my Etsy shop.  I’ve been compulsive by spending too much money on supplies, buying books or magazines. I read about different designs to make.  My heart races and I feel as though I have consumed eight cups of coffee.  I breathe rapidly and my blood pressure goes up.
My mom use to get on to me saying, “Vickie sit down!” I was walking back and forth between rooms, because I couldn’t decide where I wanted to go. I do this now. I stayed up all hours making jewelry or search on Ebay for supplies. Being a perfectionist, I want to make the best earrings or necklaces with the best material.  I’ve been hearing sounds that get my attention..  I’m worn out!  Oh, let’s not forget the grocery store – I have to go all the time and I buy food I don’t eat.  I’ve been eating a lot too.  I’m calling this hyper eating.  But, I’m enjoying it that’s the problem.
I’m so glad I use digital camera’s and not film or I would be purchasing all kind of film on ebay.
Having Bipolar is confusing.  Your never know what will happen next.  Some where along the line I triggered all of this.
The following is something I read on Hypomania Episode symptoms.

“A hypomanic episode is not a disorder in itself, but rather a description of a part of a type of bipolar II disorder. Hypomanic episodes have the same symptoms as manic episodes with two important differences: (1) the mood usually isn’t severe enough to cause problems with the person working or socializing with others (e.g., they don’t have to take time off work during the episode), or to require hospitalization; and (2) there are never any psychotic features present in a hypomanic episode.

Here are the symptoms I found
  • Decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)
  • More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
  • Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing
  • Distractibility – yes I can switch to another idea quickly
  • Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually (not me, what sex!) or agitation
  • Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., the person engages in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)
There’s a possibility that my episodes were brought on from a cortisone shot in my hip.  I was sick with high pressure, nausea, hot flashes and irritability.
I went to my doctor and she put me back on Bipolar medicine Depakote, Now I read the side effects and they weren’t good – depression, and damage to liver.  I have hepatitis and this is not good.  Every medication says that.  I haven’t started it yet because I’m scared to. So what do I do?
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Don’t Panic – Wait a Day.

Moody

Moody

A month ago. my landlord asked that I move by June 1st.  Reason?  Wanted to rent my place as a summer rental.  I live on a small beach town and it’s very lively during the summer months.  She will make 600 a week instead of 600 a month.  When I moved to  the sq ft cottage I was told I could stay as long as I like.   The place was furnished so I sold most of my stuff except my couch, and a lot of clothes.

I was so upset to get the news.  I didn’t have the money to move nor the furniture to put it.   I panicked and became manic and couldn’t breathe.  I called my son and was bawling about what happen.  What do I do.  I also felt attached by this person.  I always feel that way.  Like “why are they doing these things to me – I’m a nice person – I don’t understand.”  My son always has his way in calming me down.  Mom, “I know how you are – It just happened, nothing you can do right now.  Things will come a little clearer tomorrow and you know what to do.

All my life bad things happen.  I’m always asking why.  I haven even remarried since my divorce in 1978.  Several relationships but none in the last 6 years.  I’m 62 and I don’t think this is going to happen.  I guess God is just waiting for the right person. But have to accept there may not be one out there.

My mine did become clearer the next day.  I attacked the situation by placing a notice on Facebook in my local area.  It came through.  A lady was looking for a roommate for a large beach house on the island.   I wasn’t thinking that I hate roommates only that I needed a place to stay.  My fear of course is not showing her that I have mental illness but a normal person. Can I do this without staying something stupid?  Updates coming..

 

 

Citalofram

Who Am I

Who Am I

I’ve been struggling a lot.  The doctor kept changing my medications, as well as I ran out of meds and couldn’t get them refilled.  I take Citalopram as my Antidepressant and Lithium for my Bipolar.  I had run out of the medication, but I thought it was my high blood pressure medication I was out of.  So for over a week in a half I didn’t realize I was going through bad withdrawals until I figure out  it was the Citalopram, I was out of.   I immediately called my doctor, but couldn’t get in until 3 more days.

I saw my doctor and she couldn’t believe I had forgotten to take my pills.  I said well you know I was so screwed up.  I didn’t know my head from my butt, at the time.  Not only did she refill my prescription she increased the dosage to 30 mg.  Then she told me she was concerned I was not getting enough Lithium in my system on one a day.  So she told me to take 3 600 mg a day, which I felt was too much.  This was new doctor and didn’t tell her that I had tried 3x’s a day and the outcome was miserable.

After a couple of days of taking Lithium 3x’s a day I started getting the shakes so bad I couldn’t hold a glass, my head was feeling light, and my stomach was sickly.   I just can’t take more than two a day.   Instead of the 3 I now take two a day and feel a little better.  With all the changes in medications and dosages no wonder my body and mind go through so many changes.  One of these days I hope to feel normal without worrying who I am the next day.

 

I Apologize For Not Being Present LatelyI

I have been in a whirlwind of life.  Everything has gone so fast but it  has been a medley of dreams that I am experiencing.  But yet I still battle bipolar every day.

Today, I heard someone tell me “She must be bipolar because he seems to be crazy.”  Of course, I didn’t say anything about  myself, but I wanted to.  I always hate that bipolar people are identified as crazy.  It’s not always true.  I have been going to doctors, therapists, staying on medications and anything I can do to keep my illness in control.

I feel that the best thing I ever did was moved to the northeast coast, North Carolina.  It’s beautiful  with the most friendliest people in the world. When I go to doctors, grocery stores, pharmacists, and most stores I feel so welcome. When I lived in Dallas I was afraid to talk to anyone.  Here, I look forward to talk to anyone I can.  It’s been the most satisfying experience I’ve ever had.

My dreams have started to come true.  I’ve always dreamed to be a  popular photographer and  to start a business in photography. I’m starting to see that come true. How did I do that?  I took my medication.

I make sure I get the medications I need.  I never stop taking  them and I always listen to what the doctor says.  I go to therapy to find out what might be causing the  problems.  I feel that I’m not too proud to listen to what doctors have to say.

If you want to get well or maybe to feel normal make sure you see a doctor.  Bipolar is not something that just goes away you need to treat it.  You need to stopped being in denial and reach out for help.

Day 4 – Roommate Madness

You got to understand, I’ve been alone for over 35 years.  No roommates at all.  Just living by myself.  No one to tell me what to do, where to go or how to do it.  Just complete silence and getting to know myself.  Today was the ultimate.   He (I will call Sam), who has extreme mania and likes it, has been taking his time getting out of the place he was moving from.  Today he got a call from the x roommates asking him to get the rest of  his stuff out so that another person can move it.   Mind you he had plenty of time to do to take care of his business.  Instead, he went to Myrtle Beach.   He was so angry so guess who it took it out on?  I told him, if he kept talking to me in that tone he was going to move all on his own.  The problem is he likes confrontation and he likes to be right about everything.

I offered to take my car and move the rest of his stuff to storage.  It took a couple of trips.  He still kept talking to me in a way I could not accept, because he was still angry.  He kept saying, “You don’t want to mess with me while I’m angry.” “Who do you think you are talking to?” I even said, “Why don’t you go back to Myrtle Beach.  I don’t have to take this and I don’t want it.”   I almost told him to go live with someone else.

Now, its peaceful.  He’s in his room and I’m in mine.  What’s going to happen tomorrow?

New Roommate

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t believe I actually let a friend of my who has bipolar and really manic move in.  It’s suppose to be for a little white like 2 weeks, but I bet it will be longer.  My friend was in the marines in Iraq and when he got home he was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  He saw bad stuff.  He’s on heavy-duty medication, but it seems that his manic is not under control.  For instance, when we’re watching TV he sits there and mumbles all the way through the show.  Or he talks about who done it all through the show.  He’s always  talking.  I’ve been doing pretty good my not letting it get to me until today.  He has a way of irritating me.  He’s always right about everything.  Any time I say something it’s not right.

Under the circumstances, I think I’m doing pretty good.

I was on 950 mg of Lithium which didn’t agree with me.  In the morning I would feel nausea and when I took my pills I would head to the bathroom and lose the pills I had taken.  Then came the other part – diarrhea.  I thought I wasn’t going to be able to leave the house.

I took myself off that new dose of Lithium and now I’m taking the other two pills differently.  One in the morning and one at night.  It’s okay.  I don’t get manic unless some makes me that way by asking too many questions.  Questioning me on whether I’m doing something right.  Or, treating me like I don’t know anything.  That’s my three pet peeves.

I like my so I’ll do what I can to help him get on his feet.  Besides he  helps me out around the house and good company on movie night.

Is Lithium Lethal?

Solitude

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My doctor has had me on lithium for almost two years.  After a blood test that shows that I don’t have the right amount of Lithium that I needed to take more.  She prescribed Lithium 450m extended release tabs.  They were not good for me.  I threw up and I was in the bathroom constantly with dirreaha.  I told her I just couldn’t take it anymore.  Instead, she just added an increase of 150mg to my 600 mg.  This doesn’t seem to work either.

With the increase I started gaining weight along with being nauseou, throwing up and having dirreaha again.  I just couldn’t take it anymore.  I’ve cut back, however I have now lost track on how and when I’m taking the Lithium.  I keep asking myself – What would happen if I just quit taking Lithium by slowly weaning myself off of it?  How will I be?  What if Zoloft is all I need?

Lithium is so toxic I’m afraid that it’s going to make me ill.  Yes, it has saved my life, but it could take it as well.

Any one have comments on this?