Money Pit

Make My Budget!

Make My Budget!

Do you have problems maintaining your bank statement?  Have a hard time keeping up with your money?  Maybe you don’t feel it’s important.  Yes, I’m talking about me, but it could be you too.

My money is at the bottom of the pit.  I just can’t keep it.  One day it’s there the next it’s gone.   Problem #1 I don’t write down when I use the debit card, #2 I spent it without consideration of my balance in my checking account, #3 I spend it when I get it.  Part of my sickness with Bipolar is being compulsive.

I’ve talked to my family, my therapist, friends, and myself.  What can I do?  I keep praying money will appear from  somewhere.  Maybe win the lottery?  LOL!  Yesterday, a prayer was answered – I finally received my deposit from my previous landlord.  Where’s it going?  My savings account.   My goal is to try to have enough money by the end of the month.  I get one check a month, my disability check.  

I found this link How to Budget Your Money on WiKi   and it looks like an easy system to start a budget.   I started by going through this months statement and dividing what I spend in groups i.e. gas, groceries, bills, restaurants, etc.  This is an easy way to see where your money goes.  I was amazed.

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Strange Feeling in the Air

_DSC2440 12x24 300Lately, I’ve been feeling a little different.  I’m not sure why, but I just know I’m not feeling the same.  Is it that I’ve cut back on the Lithium?  I’ve been feeling fat so I have stopped taking the dose I have been taking.  I seem calmer.  I do have some manic modes, but not like before. If I feel like I’m going to react to something like something my roommate will say I go to my room. I try to avoid the confrontations.

Today, my roommate had to work through the night and slept all day.  However, he still looked tired and grumpy. Lord, I don’t like him when he’s like that.  My intuition kept telling me this was not good sign.  I was feeling like I should run to my room, and I don’t like that feeling.  I was having instincts and intuitions that I’ve never felt before.  I finally asked him why the frown on you face?  He said, “I’m tired.”  I said, “Ok, so go to bed.”  It was funny he just said okay and went to bed.  I felt so relieved.  With that I went to my bedroom and watched a video and now I’m writing.

SOMETHING ELSE –

The one thing that bothers me right now is my money is slipping away from me.  I only get so much each month for social security disability.  I bought a car and half of by savings from the lump sum given to me by my social security is gone.  I’ve never been this low before.  I’m scared yet I’m trying to remain calm.  I think that I need to find ways to make money or/and sell some photos.  I did sell one but I need more.

I can’t like to a real job I wouldn’t know how any more. Besides I got fired from my last job because of my bipolar when it was getting bad.

I’ll just keep listening to my intuition and praying things will get better.

Still, I feel so much calmer than I did before.  Lithium?

Manic Spending – Out of Control!

When I  go into my manic-depressive episodes I go on a compulsive spending rampage.    The only time I realize it is when I look online at my bank statement.  Today, I looked at it.  I couldn’t believe I much I have spent since the first of the mont!.  My plan after I bought the car is to watch my money!

I only get so much a month on social security disability, and after buying a car my funds are a little limited right now.  This crunched me.  I really do forget to watch my money.  I forget how much I spend that day and even the day before.  I just ignore it assuming everything is okay.    I just hate dealing with it.   If I don’t watch my spending I’ll be in jeopardy.

I tend to go to the grocery store too much.  and I eat out a lot.   My problem is I forget how much money I have and I forget how much I’m spending.

If I can’t just make myself be more aware on my pending.

My Bipolar is Driving Me Insane! Help!

This is the way my mind feels!  STOP THE INSANITY!!

 

I was just now sitting on my bed trying to decide what to do next.  I can’t seem to make a settled decision.  Do I take photos, do I make some jewelry, send out resumes, add items to my ebay – you name all these things and more that are going through my mind right now. So I’m writing.  I’m so broke.  I have bills to pay, but can’t.  I don’t get paid until next Friday – that’s a lot of time when you have to pay for gas, food, bills, etc.  I tried to get my cable bill lowered, but found out that it would only cost me 10.00 less to downgrade it.  If I was to discontinue service they will charge me a disconnect fee.  If I have them come get the box to downgrade my cable, they’ll charge me a fee, but if I take it there it’ll cost me nothing. 

I’m working part-time and it’s not enough money.  I collect unemployment but that’s not enough.  I desperately seeking other work. I’m too old to apply for a office job.  I still have my jewelry and my ebay business, but it’s slow.  If people would just buy things would look up.  I’m so confused that I don’t know what to do next.

Moving to North Carolina is something I really want to do, but I can’t with no money and I can’t save any.  I won’t even be able to fly around Christmas to see my new grand baby, because gas and airline prices are outrageous! 

My chest is hurting right now, and I feel like I’m going to climb out of my skin.  The more I think about these things the more my chest hurts.  I want a drink to make it all go away. 

I’m depressed and want to cry, my dog is driving me crazy! He wants attention that I just can’t give me right now.  I’m trying very hard to not go and get any wine.  Please God help me – someone help me. 

I can’t even afford to go to a doctor to get medication.  Cost too much.  What am I to do.  Kill myself?  I don’t want to do that, because I’ll never see my family again and I couldn’t do that to them.  But I’m tired.  Living with Bipolar, Hep C and addictions takes a lot out of a person.  I have no companion – just myself.  I wish I had someone close to me that could come over and comfort me.  I need a big hug.  Someone who understands me and can help.   I wish.