Fibromyalgia Syndrome

I’m still struggling with depression and anxiety.  Just when you think you feel okay you relapse.  Another interference is my physical problems., which I’ve been told can cause physical problems. Does it every end?

I’ve been going to doctors for 6 years now with this pain that controls my body.  I’ve received x-ray’s, mri’s, ct scans, injections, nerve conduction study, you name it.  No one could figure out where the pain was coming from.  Well except, I do have osteoporosis, neuropathy, and arthritis.  LOL!   The orthopedic talked about surgery on my neck, but when I heard of the risks, I declined. I went to a neurologist for the study and found out about the neuropathy, and was given Gabapentin, which helps the nerve pain, especially restless legs.  He then recomended a Rheumatologist.

The Rheumatologists ran a ton of blood test and came to the conclusion I do have some rheumatism, but also gave it a name “Fibromyalgia”.  I guess that’s what they call it when they fcan’t igure out what it is.

The pain I have can be intense everywhere especially my legs and feet. I have spots on my fingertips that can really hurt when I touch them. My hands go numb and feels like needles all over even my arms.  I could never get out of bed at lease 30 minutes after taking the Gabapentin .  I couldn’t move!  I had no strength in my body and still don’t. Walking was an adventure stumbling all over the place.  Even my brain feels confused and disoriented.

The rheumatolgist prescribed to start with Predinisone, a steriod.  For the first month I could actually get out of bed and go walking.  I could drive longer distances without pain. He told me I couldn’t be on it forever.  I’m now on my second prescription with lower doses and it’s not as productive.  So I don’t know what comes next.  I just don’t want to go back to the beginning.

I paint and do photography so this has been disabiling for me. Below is some of work in my Etsy shop for sale.


Etsy Shop

 

In the Later Years God Is There

kure2poetry-72This is about me turning to the Lord for help.

I’ve been through so many emotions;  lot of physical pain,  emotional pain, loneliness.  It gets to a point when it just has to stop.  This is not a normal life, in fact, I can remember when I’ve had one.  I guess when I was a teenager.

My emotions changed after the marriage and abuse. The divorce was a start of a new life, but I chose the wrong path into drugs and alcohol and the wrong men.  All this lead to abuse and rape.  Ending up in mental institute for depression and attempted suicide. I found out then that I have Bipolar (A disorder associated with episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs). Also, I’ve had ADHD  (A chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness), since I was real young.

My life never got better. For some reason as we get older our bodies go through changes. For me I think my past life was hard on my body and mind, so now I’m suffering the mental and physical effect.  My emotions are very sensitive where my feelings get hurt easily, and on the other side when someone is rude to me I speak up.  I don’t take crap from people now like I did all my life.

Physically, I’m a complete mess, that’s what the doctor tells me. I have what they call  Osteoarthritis (called degenerative joint disease or “wear and tear” arthritis), in the back, well all over.  I had a shoulder replacement and it hurts still.  My neck will need an operation after the first of the year.  And then there’s this embarrassing symptom call incontinence.  I’m back to buying pads for my nightly accidents.  When I had a full hysterectomy I was actually happy since I would have no periods and no pads.

And then there the depression, and loneliness.  Feeling alone when  you don’t see your family as much as you like.  You feel abandoned.  It’s not easy when you’re a senior to meet friends.

I changed that by moving into a senior living complex and made some friends. Then I met this nice 84 year lady with a dog so we walk our dogs.  When she ask me to go to church with her I stumbled on my words, but said that would be nice.

Now, I’ve been going to church twice a week now for 5 weeks.  The people there have been so nice and warm and they make me feel special.  I’m now thinking about joining the church.  I was baptized when I was 13 or 14, but I didn’t know the importance of having GOD in your life-like I do now.  Now, I never wanted anyone in my life as much as I do now. God is my savior.

God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven, and earth, and the sea, and all things that are in them; and in one Christ Jesus, the Son of God, who became incarnate for our salvation; and in the Holy Spirit.