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I have been experiencing a lot of physical problems, but maybe it’s all in my head.  That’s the way the doctors make me feel when I tell them about my issues.

I’ve been experiencing headaches, dizziness, fading out, falling, unbalanced, shortness of breath, heart beating rapidly, and my hip-joint pain. Did I mentioned Vertigo? The doctors just say it’s the medication I take. That’s good so why do you give them to me?

It just seems that doctors don’t care anymore.  Or, may since I’m a senior they think it’s all in my head. Could it be? Sometimes I think it is, but I know me better then they do.  I’m just about to give up on doctors. I’m tired of them making me feel worse before I got to the appointment.  It’s a horrible feeling when there’s no one listening or willing to help.

At a bad time in my life, I was hinting to family and friends about the way I was feeling – hurt, lonely and depressed.  I lost my long relationship and my son went in the army for 6 years.  I was scared and alone. They didn’t hear me.  I started binge drinking and attempted suicide.  I just didn’t care anymore.  I went to rehab for 6 weeks and it  was the worse experience I ever had.  All they do is drug you up so you want cause any trouble.


5 years ago I stopped drinking and smoking – cold turkey.  Looking back, I now know it was a God thing. He intervened and saved me. That’s one of the  things I have found good in my life is finding God again.  Although, I looked to him in the past, I never really felt he heard me.  Now I do.  Besides the the physical ailments.  My soul is feeling good.

We should understand that God’s purpose for you will be revealed to you overtime.  God will reveal to you in his own time and place.  Be looking for him.

Awareness of Bipolar is the Hard Rock

I got a comment on my other blog about nobody listening and she mentioned that it’s possible that my dad or anyone that knows you have a problem, probably doesn’t want to know you have it.  Does that make since.  My mom has been depressed for a long time and that’s the norm conversation over there.  So I’m commenting on her comment here.

Thank you so much for your thoughts.  Your right my dad has been helping mom a long time.  When she gets he one of her moods – He says she’s having a bad day. 

Dad isn’t a big hugger or outspoken as far as showing compassion.  I made him aware one day when I was in rehab that I really needed help and support. I told him that he never has hugged or said I love you, and I needed that.  My mom says it all the time to me.  But I wrote him a email since he interrupts me and jokes about something instead of listening, and told him how I felt in the email.  He’ll never mention that he read it and will just go on like nothing has happened.
You know I write here because I can’t find any real books out there where someone is talking about everyday problems, whether it’s an illiness, relationship or just everyday real happenings. So I started writing in this blog and in my other blogs.  It is the one thing that I do love to do and that’s writing.  I have since I can’t remember.

I remember being always sad when I was around 18 or 19. I felt lonely all the time and every poem that I wrote was really sad.  I read them the other day and I started crying.  It was all about lonliness.  I must of been depressed for along time and didn’t really realize that something was really wrong with me.  Doctors told me, but I didn’t listen, because when I said something to my parents they would say Oh, there’s nothing wrong with you. So that’s how it’s been with me. 

But now I’m talking about it and I’m going to finally get some help with the research hospital.  If they accept me I will test a new medication, be treated, therapy and the whole wash.  I think I get paid for it to.  It’s the only way I could get help since I didn’t have money or insurance.  Man, I sound like a sad case!

Thanks for listening and being a friend.