Alzheimer’s & Dementia Facts

Alzheimer’s & Dementia killed and is killing my mom and dad.  I live with it everyday as their daughter and caregiver.  I’m watching my dad trying very hard to stop the disease from taking, and my mom is letting it take her over.

As many as 5.3 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s disease. Alzheimer’s destroys brain cells, causing memory loss and problems with thinking and behavior severe enough to affect work, daily living, social life, and of course, your family.  Alzheimer’s gets worse over time, and it is fatal. Today it is the seventh-leading cause of death in the United States.

It killed my grandmother, aunt, & uncles and now it’s trying take my family.

I to have been diagnosed with early stages of dementia.  Bipolar has already taken me and now with dementia it is harder to fact.

If you would like to be part of a cause that is very important to the to those who have this disease, the family, and caregiver you can go to  Take the pledge – thank you!


Bad Trip on Bipolar

I haven’t been here in a while.  I’ve been confused, down and have been busy trying to get my business going to make some money.  First I need the money to pay my rent so I keep praying for that some miracle is going to arise and get me on a plane to North Carolina to see  my family and new grandson.

I’ve been on that research drug and last week I had some horrible things happen. They went up on the dosage so was taken that one, Lithium and Trazodone.  I was having nightmare’s and one night I got up to go to the bathroom.  I felt like I had just done 10 shots of Tequila.  I was staggering all the way knocking down anything that was in my way.  When I finally got back to my bed I went to lay down and bam! I fell to the floor butt first then fell backwards and hit my head on the nightstand – then I was knocked out.  I didn’t wake until the next morning and was late to work.   I have a feeling that the research drug is the real thing.  A sugar pill wouldn’t do that – would it?  I went to the doctor a day later and they were very concerned about what happen to me and decided to lower the dosage of the drug.  Then last Saturday – I was taking a drive to estate sales and got heartburn real bad — I could feel something driving up my stomach and throat and then – yes – I made a mess.  I through up on the only thing I had available at the time – ny jacket and then all over me.  Sadly, I had to return home change clothes.  Then, I just went on with my business.

I have felt a little better in the last few days.  There have been moments when I feel like I want to go manic, but I just try and take some deep breaths to make it go away.  My memory is not so good – meaning short term.  It takes me a while to have everything (codes) to enter my mind to figure out what that person said to me.

This little part-time job has been great for me.  Can’t beat it.  I manage the fitness center and work in my own little business in the office.  Can’t beat it  I’ve feel that my goals and dreams are trying to battle their way up and over the hill.  I’m not rich, but that doesn’t matter to me.  It never has.  I can’t have it because if I do I will spend it all.  I found that out while in my manic stage I went shopping and spent on all my credits cards to their limit in one day.  Yep, one day and have been spending the last 10 or more years trying to pay my debts off.  Pretty soon I will be too old to worry about it.

I wanted to share a new piece of jewelry I just made – It’s made of magnetic hematite beads, and bone beads.

Thanks for visiting

September 14 – Feeling Shakey – Bad News

I feel so shaky and weird.  I’m so tired and just can’t get into working on my business stuff.  I haven’t had anything to drink so I don’t know why I’m feeling this way.  Maybe it’s the Lithium or maybe its the research drug.  The research people gave me a higher dose so maybe.  However, the dilemma is I don’t know if it’s the real thing or just a sugar pill.  Being in this research study could be a bad 

I don’t want to let my business slide – it’s too important to me.  I’ve got to get a handle on all this.  I’m trying to make everything in my life to go smoothly and that’s a lot!

All day I felt like I was going to run into the wall.  I felt drunk! I was swaggering while I was walking and tripping over my own feet.  My nerves were twitching and , which is really bothering me.  I’m having a hard time writing this because my hands have the tremors.  Maybe I’m having withdrawals.  But from which drug?  Alcohol, Trazadone, Prozac?  I’ve stopped taking my Trazadone which is a anti anxiety drug that I have been taking for over 10 years.  Prozac, I’ve been taking for 2 years. And then there’s the alcohol – on and off for over 30 years with a few binges here and there.  I haven’t been sleeping well.  I don’t usually get up in the middle of the night.  Here in the last few days I’ve had bad dreams and wake up occasionally.

My brain has not been motivated and I’ve got to get it there.  Any suggestions? I’ve noticed that my writing is terrible today – sorry

I Blew It!

I had such a wonderful weekend.  I kept myself calm and actually stayed away from the computer as much as possible and watched TV.  I’m addicted to my computer.  Having a EBay store makes you addicted.  I’m always trying new marketing tools, adding new items, research, etc.  There is always something to do.  However, I do enjoy it. 

I was proud of myself because I didn’t drink and when I don’t drink there is no smoke.  I ate well, made some jewelry, took pictures, etc.  It was really great.  I did stumble a little.  When I can’t find something that I know is around I get totally manic.  It drives me crazy!  I know it’s there, but where?  Did that big cockroach take it or did my dog hide it?  I don’t know.  I start going crazy talking to myself and I can feel my insides just churning!  I yell at my sweet dog.  And sometimes what I’m looking for is right in front of me.  I’m always loosing things.  I lost my prescription glasses and had to get to the store to get some readers. I lost my cellphone – that was crazy.   I had it just an hour ago and I know it’s here.  I start getting angry, I start sweating and mumbling to myself.  I know there’s a solution – got to be!

I finally called my mom,when I had a house phone, and told her that I thought my phone was in my car but I couldn’t find it.  I said, “Wait 5 minutes than call my cell.”  I ran down to the car and I heard the phone ringing. “Oh, my god!  It’s here!”  I looked and looked and it kept ringing and then suddenly right in front of my was my phone.  Right in front of me!  I accused the bogeyman of messing with me.

I got off the track on what this entry is about – sorry.

I had a good weekend – I slept great!   Then yesterday – I got this urge.  It wasn’t a urge to drink or smoke it was a urge to just go to the liquor store.  I bought the cheapest red wine.  I wasn’t even thinking really.  I went home and did my eBay thing and wrote.  Then about 6pm I said it was time to sit down and relax.  So I did.  But I didn’t really crave the wine, I just wanted to sit a relax.  Evidently, I associate the wine and smoking and being relaxed.  I need to come up with something else.  Any suggestions.

I feel asleep as usual and woke up at midnight then put myself to bed. 4:30am came rather earlier this morning.  I jumped up when the alarm went off because I needed to get gas, which I should of done yesterday and then go to the bank.  My head started to hurt from the cigarettes and felt a little nervous. 

Now, I’m drinking coffee and writing to you to confess my sins.  I will try to get back on track.  Tomorrow I go to the therapist at the research center and I’m going to confess to her also and ask why I do that.  It’s a bipolar thing.  Mind over matter.  I’m still on Lithium and I’m taking the research drug or sugar pill.  This research drug is suppose to stop the craving.  Hum…

I’ll keep writing today.  I have a work book that I believe I discussed earlier in my blogs that is very helpful and I see myself in a lot of the passages.  It’s concerning cognitive-therapy that I’m doing now at the research center.  The therapist and this book will help me see when my symptoms are appearing and how to control it.  I want to share some more of this.  Come back and talk to me.

By the way I actually wrote the recumbent bike for 30 minutes yesterday and my butt hurts!