Vickie Hibler Photography©
It’s been almost a year since I’ve written about Bipolar. I have gone through so many changes and I’m still not sure of everything. There’s so much I want to share with other Bipolar and ADD people so I hope your out there. Other problems, high blood pressure, vertigo, early stages of dementia. I’m doom.
I don’t want to feel alone. Which is what I’ve been feeling most of my life. I haven’t had a true friend longer than I can remember. I seem to have become a anti social person and I love people. What have I done to try to pull myself out of this funk? I’ve gotten more involved in my photography by shooting fashion shows, portraits and head shots for actors. It’s good therapy too. Also, I started doing extra work in films here in North Carolina with my first one being Iron Man 3. I have many Facebook friends. Friends? Not one true friend.
I imagine that people hate me and not want to be around me. I never get ask to do anything. My imagination is what causes most of my problems. This has caused me to isolate myself so I won’t put myself in situations where I’ll say something stupid or do something wrong. Words come out of my mouth that I don’t mean.
An example of my imagination and forgetfulness. I was feeling really lonely this week when I thought I hadn’t heard from my son for a long time. I felt I had done or said something wrong. He’s my only son so it makes it even worse. I had just seen him 6 days ago so time as been a problem with me as well.
This is just the beginning of catching up. Since I’m very forgetful I’ll need to go through my journal to help me.
I’m open to any suggestions or comments. 🙂
My Dad who has Alzheimer’s, has been making me proud. He has been working hard keeping his mind and body active. He’s not ready to go yet.
Dad plays solitaire on the computer for hours. Then when he gets bored with that he will go outside and work in the yard. He’ll be out there in that heat digging up bushes and replanting other bushes. Dad recently painted the concrete patio. I mean he keeps himself real busy. I have to continually watch him to make sure he doesn’t have an other stroke.
In the morning it’s always interesting to see what dad shows up. He can be so negativity and complain about every thing even editorial from the newspaper. There are times where he looks so blank in the face, along with memory problems. He’s been obsessive about a few things like his clothes. He washes clothes every other day. He goes to home depot constantly buying things. He’s been buying clothes when he use not care what he had.
In the long run I’m glad he takes care of himself most of the time. He has so many medications to keep up with and has been able to organizing them very well. Sometimes he gets confusion and comes to me to ask questions, which I’m gladly to help. I still watch him especially when he’s out in the heat. If I don’t go out and tell him to come in he would stay out all day.
I just wish my mom had so much energy. But she’s just letting herself go. I don’t know half the time if there’s really something wrong with her. She ‘s always making grunting noise. You ask her how she feels in the morning it’s always “Oh, I’m down in my back” or, I’m not up to parr. Nothing good. It’s hard on me because I see her sometimes so happy, but it can change in a minute. She just wants to sit in her chair or lay in her bed all day. She stays depressed. The hardest part is keeping up with her mediations. You ask her if she has taken her medications. “I don’t know,” is always her answer. She got a clean bill of health from the doctors except she does have arthritis. If she was taking all her pills she shouldn’t be having some of the problems she states. She has vertigo and is suppose to take med’s for them morning and night. She always complains about the vertigo.
I came to the conclusion that mom needs a lot of attention. she gets her feelings hurt and it’s nothing to see her burst into tears. There’s nothing we can do for her she insists on feeling this way. I just go to my room and close the door. I love my mom very much but it seems like I’ve turned into a mom instead of the daughter.
In the meantime, I will continue watching them and make sure their okay. I love my mom and dad that’s why I moved in to take care of them. Love you mom and dad.