Knee Pain and Neuropathy

I’ve been having trouble eith my knee. Is Sania had knee replacement with I mean actually feels like there’s something really heavy in my knee cap. I don’t know why but it’s making it hard to walk. Also have neuropathy in my left leg and foot making it difficult to walk and I don’t know what to do about it if anybody has any suggestions I would appreciate it. Is there a doctor out there!

Neuropathy

Its 4:00am and my leg is killing me. At first it won’t move then I struggle to bend it. There’s always some kind ofvery morning. I can’t remember the last time I woke up without pain.

It’s been 4 years since I’ve been diagnosed with Parkinson’s, and before that I had been diagnosed with Peripheral Neuropathy. My neuropathy has gotten worse over the last couple of weeks. First, my big toe went numb, and now my foot and ankle are hurting so bad it’s hard to walk. I dont know if the pain stems from the toe or what. When I put pressure on my foot the pain runs from the bottom to the top of my foot. It feels like my bones are all popping. OUCH!

I was curious to know what the bone on top of was – “it forms a joint with the two bones of the lower leg, the tibia and fibula. Calcaneus – the largest bone of the foot, which lies beneath the talus to form the heel bone. Tarsals – five irregularly shaped bones of the midfoot that form the foot’s arch.”

Back in 2010, I was in an establishment that was very crowded and I was weeding myself through the crowd. Out of nowhere a chair appeared and my ankle got locked in, and I could feel my ankle break and fell to the floor with my leg bent behind me. I hit my head so hard on the concrete I saw stars. I’m surprised I didn’t crack my head open. Not only did I break my ankle I broke my tibia and fibula.

Surgery was required. They installed a long piece of metal from my ankle to my knee with pins all up and down my leg. Needless to say I was wheelchair bound for a month but for the longest time no pressure on my foot.

So do I have neuropathy and arthritis in my left foot, ankle and leg? Not only that I had a total knee replacement in my right knee June 1, 2020.

That’s the story of my parkinsons legs. I’m a cripple!

Complications with Parkinson’s

Having Parkinson’s disease opens you up for a world of complications. My blood pressure is very high or very low, stiffness, pain, hard to walk, falling, cateracts, skin problems, incontinence, & bowel incontinence. Sounds like fun?  It’s  not.

I’m in a Parkinson’s forum on Facebook, and it’s great because I hear other people’s problems like mine.  I don’t feel so alone, and we talk to each other providing prayers, hope, and some kind of help. You see they have more experience. Some have already found solutions and can pass it on to others.

When I’m feeling blue or depressed people always ask what’s wrong. I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar, and have had several mini strokes that can cause Parkinson’s.

People with Parkinson’s   may experience low blood pressure (hypotension). If you experience a sudden large drop in blood pressure when standing or changing position, this is called postural hypotension. 

My blood pressure can be high, 180/97, but if I stand up and take my BP it can drop to 102/87 or even lower.

I’ll  wake up 2 to 3 times a night. Sometimes I’m  awaken many times with chest pain and numbness, and I ask myself, “Am I going to die tonight.” I live in FEAR!


Note:  please forgive my writing. I’m not perfect.

Parkinson’s: It’s not Easy

Having Parkinson’s is not a happy place. So I decided to take advantage of the YMCA and their pool. Although, I can’t swim very good I knew that the water would be great for me. I don’t have much strength or muscle, but it helps me to move my body easily. I’ll float to the Top If I’m not careful.

Yesterday we went to the YMCA. You would have thought I was crazy as cold as it was outside and raining, but inside it was warm and smooth with blue water. I was able to walk up and down the pool lane with the help of my therapist. I’m not very good at standing in the water because my balance is terrible. I’ll fall over from the weight of the pool. I used to be a very active athlete strong outgoing and now that’s gone. I hardly ever leave my apartment since it’s hard to walk very far, and its painful, but I don’t give up I still keep driving myself. Some people with Parkinson don’t want to do anything and start feeling sorry for themselves.

I understand that because I did at first. I decided it wasn’t going to let the stuff take me down. I’ll keep pushing and pushing as much pain as it gives me I’ll keep pushing back.

As long as God gives me breath and the strength I have to keep going I will do. it’s just so damn hard. Just never give up.

Parkinson’s I Cried for Help

I felt lost and hopeless I cried for help but nobody came. Then I remembered that my key was on my bar in the kitchen and not in the lock box on my front door so people could get in my apartment. There was nobody to help me. I had cried for help – nobody heard me.

Yesterday I was unpacking and moving boxes around, suddenly, I kept leaning to the left I couldn’t understand why, but I kept leaning then I lost my balance and I fell on the arm of the accent chair. I tried to use the chair as leverage to push myself up on my feet, but my feet kept sliding and the chair kept sliding. All I could do was go down – I had no strength.

Fortunately, it was not a stroke just my Parkinson’s causing weakness and dizziness. They took my temperature and had a fever of 101. But after 10 minutes I asked hot to try again and it was down to 96.1°. They left and decided to take a nap.

Dreams can be a realization of Yourself

Having these strange dreams that return all the time it’s always the same. Start at the same way and ends the same way I never know what’s going to happen. What does it mean?

It starts out that I’m going to a Festival like a Shakespeare festival. I switched from car in my dream to walking in my barefeet, which I hate, because it hurts my feet like I have rocks on the bottom of my feet.  I had on shorts a torn up white shirt with small handbag andinside a phone with no camera.

I was walking and somehow I I entered a new dimension somewhere  in Greece or Rome. The building and architecture was old but so beautiful.  There were structures that reached high the sky with great detail. Although I was scared and lost I felt gifted to have this experience even if it was a dream.

I came to a dead end with a flooded river with large ancient cypress trees. The trunks were as wide as a long house  trailer.  I was scared to walk any further since I can’t swim. I turned around realizing I was going in the wrong direction. Decision was to change route towards the sun.

I came to some old cobbled stone stairs that seem to go forever. There was no way I could climb them. So I turned towards the mall that looked like castles. 

When I walked into mall I was amazed how beautiful it was. In the Ceilings were gold rubies, the floor was marbled. I was walking in zigzag and got so confused I made my way out of there to the streets.
The streets were swarmed with nuns wearing sheared white nun outfits. The were dancing and singing and I kept seeing them.

Did all this it mean something?

I LOST MY SON TO PSTD

When my son told me almost a year ago that had fallen in a deep dark black hole, and hoped he can crawl of it. He said he wouldn’t be talking to me till he found his way out. Its been over a year and i still haven’t talked to him.

My son enlisted in the army when he got out of high school. I was not happy for my only child to go in the army for 6 years. He was first stationed in Fort Bliss. After a couple years he requested a transfer and went to Germany. At first it was fun. But the fun stopped and war started. It was in Bosnia and Afghanistan.

He saw terrible things. He didn’t tell me much but he did say they were walking through a river in Bosnia and was having to dodge dead bodies even children. He was in a camp next to the Afghanistan border. A bomb blasted a tent near my son’s own tent. Several were killed.

Needless to say I was scared. I started having terrible nightmares. He would call me when he could. When i didn’t hear from him I was terrified.

The day came after 6 long years. He was coming home. I was so relieved and he was certainly happy to be home safe.

He was 18 years old when he left and he came back when he was 24 years old. I lost a lot of time watching him grow and it was so painful.

Now he’s married with 4 children and leading a successful life.

Over the last 4 years i started seeing changes in him. He would get aggravated easily lose his temper wasn’t patient especially with me. I started to see somebody I didn’t know. Then one day he told me he was leaving me. He was in black hole he was talking about.

My son has been experiencing paranoid symptoms he went out and bought for guns at 8 security cameras to put around his house. There’s a war is coming and he’s preparing for it. It scares me so much.

With all the hate and violence, crime and terrorism happening in the world, people carrying guns and shooting people. Starting fires and bombs why not think  there’s going to be a war. All this because of political warfare.

“Political warfare is the use of political means to compel an opponent to do one’s will, based on hostile intent. … Political war may be combined with violence, economic pressure, subversion, and diplomacy, but its chief aspect is “the use of words, images and ideas”.

The world is so violent and it’ll never end until both sides can agree and get along

My son is suffering and in pain. Agonizing and anxiety overwhelms him. I’m frightened and hurt for him. I’ll always be here if he needs me.

I

I Know Who I Am

The number one item on my bucket list is moving to the mountains. My long time dream has been to live in a cabin in the mountains. It’s a log cabin rea a fireplace with a large back porch enjoying thet sun setting behind Who I Am mountains. In the morning I look forward to the rising sun from the front screened porch. We watch the back pasture turning golden with the whispers of stallion horses running with their manes lapping in the wind like a golden fleece, and their heels kicking up and snorting and growling. 

I also think about my loneliness and not having a friend to talk to and share my laughter and secrets with unconditionally. As we grow older we become independent and feel no need for a much needed friend . We tend to forget those people until you start to get even older and starting feeling a emptiness inside. Then we miss those friends of yester year. 

Since I fell ill with parkinson’s and with neuropathy, along with bipolar and now Rheumatoid Arthritis, I’m lonely and eager for a friend. I need someone to talk to, but their not there. I have tried on numerous occasions to develop a friendship. But when they see my baggage their not interested in maintaining a friendship. But their missing out. I make a great friend.

I’ve been told by people I’m with at Elderhause that I’m very special.  I’m funny with a great sense of humor. Even though I’m in pain and down I don’t act like it. It hurts to much to act upon my pain. I’ve been told I’m easy to talk to and I’m a good listener. People come to me when their feeling down and need someone to listen. I care about people and I can sense their pain. I’m a Empath. “A person with the ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual. When these people come to be I can feel their pain. I know something is wrong. And I want to help them. Sometimes this is hard with all that I’m going. It also helps knowing I helped someone.

I finally know who I am. I just hope someone somewhere would take the time to get to know me.

Thanks for listening.

Finding Peace

Living with Parkinson’s is very difficult. You don’t know from day to day how your going to feel. I use to be able to make plans, jump out of bed and out the door in a moments notice. I use to go go.

I loved traveling with my camera and looking for the road to a beautiful place. I enjoyed socializing and meeting to people. Now I’m afraid of what they see when they at me.

I had a very interesting life. I stayed single after my horrible marriage not wanting to get in the same situation. It’s a scarry thought of dying alone. I want to fix a way to enjoy the rest of my life.

Using Art for Mental Health

Living with Parkinson’s disease and osteoarthritis is hard. You’re in pain most of the time and you spend most of your time thinking about your pain. Having bipolar I get really depressed.

I read an article about mental health and art so I decided to try it. Anything that would help is worth it.

I’ve always been a photographer, but because of my Parkinson’s and Osteoarthritis it’s been very difficult.

Painter’s always impressed me. How do they create these beautiful paintings. I thought maybe I should give it a try. I’m not the best at drawing, but I can color. I did some research and heard of a art called abstract painting. How hard could it be?

I had a canvas, paint and a brush. I had no idea what I was going to paint. First step, was to pick up the brush, dabbled it the color blue and touched the tip to the canvas and just start moving it around. I tried closing my eyes and let my hands wander around the canvas. It was amazing to see what came out of it. It was a good outline to start with. I continued painting and realized that my mind was clear I was only thinking about what was going on in front of me not behind me.here then suddenly started becoming something but I wasn’t quite sure what.

When I paint I’m thinking about nothing but painting. My head is clear with no worries. Its better than medications, and there’s no side effect.