This is about me turning to the Lord for help.
I’ve been through so many emotions; lot of physical pain, emotional pain, loneliness. It gets to a point when it just has to stop. This is not a normal life, in fact, I can remember when I’ve had one. I guess when I was a teenager.
My emotions changed after the marriage and abuse. The divorce was a start of a new life, but I chose the wrong path into drugs and alcohol and the wrong men. All this lead to abuse and rape. Ending up in mental institute for depression and attempted suicide. I found out then that I have Bipolar (A disorder associated with episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs). Also, I’ve had ADHD (A chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness), since I was real young.
My life never got better. For some reason as we get older our bodies go through changes. For me I think my past life was hard on my body and mind, so now I’m suffering the mental and physical effect. My emotions are very sensitive where my feelings get hurt easily, and on the other side when someone is rude to me I speak up. I don’t take crap from people now like I did all my life.
Physically, I’m a complete mess, that’s what the doctor tells me. I have what they call Osteoarthritis (called degenerative joint disease or “wear and tear” arthritis), in the back, well all over. I had a shoulder replacement and it hurts still. My neck will need an operation after the first of the year. And then there’s this embarrassing symptom call incontinence. I’m back to buying pads for my nightly accidents. When I had a full hysterectomy I was actually happy since I would have no periods and no pads.
And then there the depression, and loneliness. Feeling alone when you don’t see your family as much as you like. You feel abandoned. It’s not easy when you’re a senior to meet friends.
I changed that by moving into a senior living complex and made some friends. Then I met this nice 84 year lady with a dog so we walk our dogs. When she ask me to go to church with her I stumbled on my words, but said that would be nice.
Now, I’ve been going to church twice a week now for 5 weeks. The people there have been so nice and warm and they make me feel special. I’m now thinking about joining the church. I was baptized when I was 13 or 14, but I didn’t know the importance of having GOD in your life-like I do now. Now, I never wanted anyone in my life as much as I do now. God is my savior.
God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven, and earth, and the sea, and all things that are in them; and in one Christ Jesus, the Son of God, who became incarnate for our salvation; and in the Holy Spirit.