VIOLENT NIGHTMARES

Hate not being able to sleep well. Have a hard time talking this morning . So I’m speaking in the microphone.

Last night I had a terrible time getting settled. I couldn’t roll over on my side. Its really hard when your legs won’t move. It’s a slow movement of trying to

move your legs over one leg then another then try and get your body to roll over to my side. It takes me about 10 minutes to get comfortable enough. Its a lot of work!

After I get settled it doesn’t take much time for me to go to sleep. Of course, I have to take my medication which makes me sleepy. I was awaken many times with pain in my knees, legs and hands. I had visions of my past life that was a nightmare. I got raped when I was in my early 30s. Every detail rolling over in my brain. I couldn’t get it out of my mind! I kept seeing his piercing blue eyes.

I had watched a movie last night that was about men beating and raping women, which I turned off. That’s what started it. I have lot of nightmares that seem so real. I actually act them out. I scream in my sleep, talk, and wake up fighting. One of thosetimes I jumped up out of bed and ran down the hallway, and this was before my Parkinson’s got worse. Thank goodness I would of killed myself. However, the scariest is my dreams of being chased and attacked. I would wake up screaming stop and my fist was pounding the air. When I woke up I was shaking and breathing hard. It’s a know fact that Parkinson’s could have something to do with it. But, iI’ve been having these dreams for a long time.

Could it be PTSD?

ast night I had all kinds

Parkinson’s: DBS

I have thoughts of having a DBS which is suppose to help with symptoms.

Deep brain stimulation is a neurosurgical procedure that uses implaDBSnted electrodes and electrical stimulation to treat movement disorders associated with Parkinson’s disease (PD), essential tremor, dystonia and other neurological condition.

Why do I want to have DBS?

Because I’m tired of rolling around trying to get in and out of bed it’s hard it’s difficult. I can’t even roll over on my side. Day by day charlie horses or cramps. Hard to walk at times and movement is slow. So much more.

I just wish I could talk to more people who have had DBS to hear their story and what their experiences have been.

Parkinson’s rob’s you of your hobbies, traveling, relationships, and what I truly loved is photography, and still do. I use to be a good photographer. Photography was like .

Meditation to me is something you can do alone and not feel lonely. Your in nature surrounded by trees, sounds of nature like hearing birds sing. I might see some raccoons and their babies.

It’s a lonely world out there for Parkinson’s people. People are scared of us. I used to have a lot of relationships that have disappeared over time. But I’ve learned to live with it.

Life is not always what you expect it to be.

Parkinson’s- Falls

For the last few days I’ve been shaking from head to toe causimg problems with putting makeup on  cooking, walking, making my Jewelry, sitting and brushing my teeth.  The Tremors were really bad the last few days causing me to fall.off a chair yesterday because I couldn’t sit on the chair steadily.

On Wednesday, I fell to the ground landing on my Walker wheel hurting my tail bone. Ouch!  I was so weak I miss the chair because of the tremors.

Yesterday, Thursday May 7th, out of nowhere I flew over my Walker and hit the ground hard. Really scared me I thought I had done some damage. Just a little sore all over. EMS said I should go to the hospital and agreed this time.

They put through a lot of x-rays ct scans and blood work to make sure I didn’t break anything. They did find a bad urinary tract infection. They can cause all kinds of problems.

So I’ve been in this hospital bed with IVs, and a heart monitor since Thursday. I have not moved from this bed since yesterday.

Thanks from the thrilling life of me.

Living with Parkinson’s Disease: Here’s What It Is Like for me

Don’t give up.

At times, not giving up is easier said than done, especially when you feel alone and abandoned. You may feel your friends and family have abandoned you, but it’s often more a case of them not understanding your new journey. It’s probably best to give those people in your life a free forgiveness pass and move on as you make new friends in the PD community who truly understand what living with PD is like.

Parkinson’s disease causes grief, but we can choose to live joyfully and intentionally in spite of what we feel has been taken from us. It is not a death sentence, and we must learn to read just to our “new” life. And a new life brings new opportunities. As one person said, never lose hope and keep the faith because God is doing miracles every day and you may be the one He is working through to accomplish just that.

Knee Pain and Neuropathy

I’ve been having trouble eith my knee. Is Sania had knee replacement with I mean actually feels like there’s something really heavy in my knee cap. I don’t know why but it’s making it hard to walk. Also have neuropathy in my left leg and foot making it difficult to walk and I don’t know what to do about it if anybody has any suggestions I would appreciate it. Is there a doctor out there!

Neuropathy

Its 4:00am and my leg is killing me. At first it won’t move then I struggle to bend it. There’s always some kind ofvery morning. I can’t remember the last time I woke up without pain.

It’s been 4 years since I’ve been diagnosed with Parkinson’s, and before that I had been diagnosed with Peripheral Neuropathy. My neuropathy has gotten worse over the last couple of weeks. First, my big toe went numb, and now my foot and ankle are hurting so bad it’s hard to walk. I dont know if the pain stems from the toe or what. When I put pressure on my foot the pain runs from the bottom to the top of my foot. It feels like my bones are all popping. OUCH!

I was curious to know what the bone on top of was – “it forms a joint with the two bones of the lower leg, the tibia and fibula. Calcaneus – the largest bone of the foot, which lies beneath the talus to form the heel bone. Tarsals – five irregularly shaped bones of the midfoot that form the foot’s arch.”

Back in 2010, I was in an establishment that was very crowded and I was weeding myself through the crowd. Out of nowhere a chair appeared and my ankle got locked in, and I could feel my ankle break and fell to the floor with my leg bent behind me. I hit my head so hard on the concrete I saw stars. I’m surprised I didn’t crack my head open. Not only did I break my ankle I broke my tibia and fibula.

Surgery was required. They installed a long piece of metal from my ankle to my knee with pins all up and down my leg. Needless to say I was wheelchair bound for a month but for the longest time no pressure on my foot.

So do I have neuropathy and arthritis in my left foot, ankle and leg? Not only that I had a total knee replacement in my right knee June 1, 2020.

That’s the story of my parkinsons legs. I’m a cripple!

Complications with Parkinson’s

Having Parkinson’s disease opens you up for a world of complications. My blood pressure is very high or very low, stiffness, pain, hard to walk, falling, cateracts, skin problems, incontinence, & bowel incontinence. Sounds like fun?  It’s  not.

I’m in a Parkinson’s forum on Facebook, and it’s great because I hear other people’s problems like mine.  I don’t feel so alone, and we talk to each other providing prayers, hope, and some kind of help. You see they have more experience. Some have already found solutions and can pass it on to others.

When I’m feeling blue or depressed people always ask what’s wrong. I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar, and have had several mini strokes that can cause Parkinson’s.

People with Parkinson’s   may experience low blood pressure (hypotension). If you experience a sudden large drop in blood pressure when standing or changing position, this is called postural hypotension. 

My blood pressure can be high, 180/97, but if I stand up and take my BP it can drop to 102/87 or even lower.

I’ll  wake up 2 to 3 times a night. Sometimes I’m  awaken many times with chest pain and numbness, and I ask myself, “Am I going to die tonight.” I live in FEAR!


Note:  please forgive my writing. I’m not perfect.

Parkinson’s: It’s not Easy

Having Parkinson’s is not a happy place. So I decided to take advantage of the YMCA and their pool. Although, I can’t swim very good I knew that the water would be great for me. I don’t have much strength or muscle, but it helps me to move my body easily. I’ll float to the Top If I’m not careful.

Yesterday we went to the YMCA. You would have thought I was crazy as cold as it was outside and raining, but inside it was warm and smooth with blue water. I was able to walk up and down the pool lane with the help of my therapist. I’m not very good at standing in the water because my balance is terrible. I’ll fall over from the weight of the pool. I used to be a very active athlete strong outgoing and now that’s gone. I hardly ever leave my apartment since it’s hard to walk very far, and its painful, but I don’t give up I still keep driving myself. Some people with Parkinson don’t want to do anything and start feeling sorry for themselves.

I understand that because I did at first. I decided it wasn’t going to let the stuff take me down. I’ll keep pushing and pushing as much pain as it gives me I’ll keep pushing back.

As long as God gives me breath and the strength I have to keep going I will do. it’s just so damn hard. Just never give up.

Parkinson’s I Cried for Help

I felt lost and hopeless I cried for help but nobody came. Then I remembered that my key was on my bar in the kitchen and not in the lock box on my front door so people could get in my apartment. There was nobody to help me. I had cried for help – nobody heard me.

Yesterday I was unpacking and moving boxes around, suddenly, I kept leaning to the left I couldn’t understand why, but I kept leaning then I lost my balance and I fell on the arm of the accent chair. I tried to use the chair as leverage to push myself up on my feet, but my feet kept sliding and the chair kept sliding. All I could do was go down – I had no strength.

Fortunately, it was not a stroke just my Parkinson’s causing weakness and dizziness. They took my temperature and had a fever of 101. But after 10 minutes I asked hot to try again and it was down to 96.1°. They left and decided to take a nap.

Dreams can be a realization of Yourself

Having these strange dreams that return all the time it’s always the same. Start at the same way and ends the same way I never know what’s going to happen. What does it mean?

It starts out that I’m going to a Festival like a Shakespeare festival. I switched from car in my dream to walking in my barefeet, which I hate, because it hurts my feet like I have rocks on the bottom of my feet.  I had on shorts a torn up white shirt with small handbag andinside a phone with no camera.

I was walking and somehow I I entered a new dimension somewhere  in Greece or Rome. The building and architecture was old but so beautiful.  There were structures that reached high the sky with great detail. Although I was scared and lost I felt gifted to have this experience even if it was a dream.

I came to a dead end with a flooded river with large ancient cypress trees. The trunks were as wide as a long house  trailer.  I was scared to walk any further since I can’t swim. I turned around realizing I was going in the wrong direction. Decision was to change route towards the sun.

I came to some old cobbled stone stairs that seem to go forever. There was no way I could climb them. So I turned towards the mall that looked like castles. 

When I walked into mall I was amazed how beautiful it was. In the Ceilings were gold rubies, the floor was marbled. I was walking in zigzag and got so confused I made my way out of there to the streets.
The streets were swarmed with nuns wearing sheared white nun outfits. The were dancing and singing and I kept seeing them.

Did all this it mean something?