Bipolar & Alcoholism – Chance At A New Life Don’t Blow It

Sunrise at Wrightsville Beach NC

I moved to Wilmington, NC from living in Dallas, TX for 58 years.   The change was decided so I could be  near my son and grand children.  I’m a recovering alcoholic with Bipolar, ADD, and have been sober since April 2009.  

After the last bit of luggage was laid inside the front door of my charming new cottage sudden loneliness set in.  If you have been following me you would know that I have been taking care of my parents for two years who are 84 and both have Alzheimer’s. Before that I’d been living alone for more than 30 years since my divorce.  During those years I was also living as a person with Bipolar, ADD, and a drinking problem called alcoholism.

This move was a dream of mine and it still is.  I’ve just had some stumbles the last few days since I got here.  Unfortunately, there’s a grocery store across the street that carries beer and wine.  Not unfortunate for some,  but for me it’s easy access for my addictions.  I nust take it a day at a time.

I bought groceries on my first day and yes I bought a bottle of wine.  I wish my son had said something like, “Mom do you think that’s a good thing to do.”  He didn’t.   I enjoyed the wine, but I did not enjoy the morning after as well as the next morning.  Yes, two evenings in a roll.   That’s going to have to change. Especially, with diabetes as well.

Drinking wine keeps me from doing the things I enjoy and that’s reading, writing, research, painting, and photography.  That’s whole reason coming to the East Coast was to find my true self again.  And I will.  God  made this dream come true so I don’t won’t to disappoint him.  He spoke to me and said it was time to find out who I am.  I had followed my intuition for the last two-years and Gods words to get here.

I must consider this as a set back and not be hard on myself.   I’ll pick myself up and dust off the old memories and start anew. I was given this new chance and  new life to spend it with my son and to be a grandma.  It has been my dream for years.  I have a 1 and 3 year  who are loves of my life.  I screwed upmy past life I’m not going to mess of mynew  life.  From this day on no drinking.

Not only is drinking bad for your liver it’s not good for Bipolar.  That’s one of the reasons I drank – to stop the pain of Bipolar.  I’ve learned that you need to deal with your Bipolar to become stronger.

Moving to Wilmington, NC is going to be my new life and new lifted spirit to learn who I am.   I will be writing about my new life in a new blog coming soon.  Also, I will be writing my results from weaning myself off Effexor, the worse drug I’ve ever taken.  I’ve gone from 75  mg to 35 mg and next week I will taper down to 30 mg.  If that’s too much I’ll change to 32 mg.  Whatever it takes to get off this devilish pill I will do. That’s all need is to withdraw from Effexor and Wine at the same time.  WOW!  Put me in the Hospital!

My story on my new life will be coming soon to a new blog near you>>>

Effexor: Doctors Didn’t Tell Me – The Horrible Side Effects/Withdrawals

Guardian Angel Watches Over Me

 

First, I want to say I’m having a little trouble seeing.  My eyes are blurring and can’t see my computer screen very well.  My brain skips a little and tries to go on vacation when I’m typing.  So forgive me with the bad spelling and grammar.  I not good at it anyway, but it might be worse.

 

Second, WHY! didn’t the doctors tell me about the horrible side effects of this drug Effexor?  Are they not allowed to per the drug company.  What if a person dies or commits suicide, because someone didn’t warn her or him about the bad withdrawal effects?  I’d like to hear why. 

On with my day – Today was a terrible day.  I didn’t take my  Effexor this morning, and that wasn’t a good idea. I became a tyrant. I chewed the bank lady out and threatened to close my account.  I almost screamed at this lady for parking her cart in front of me causing me to almost run into it. If anyone crossed me I was ready for action. Manic comes quickly, my head starting hurting, stomach became nausea, just felt  awful.  I was out trying to shop a little and I had to stop everything and go home and get in bed.  My eyes became sensitive to light so I turn it off, covered my head with a blanket, and rested for a while.  I took the half of Effexor I’ve narrowed myself down to. I’m not sure how it will affect me tonight since it’s time release.  When I take it in the morning I up most of the night.

Having bipolar is not easy if your taking medications.  I sometimes wonder how I would do without them. But then I remember how I was before I started taking Lithium. I was on several antidepressants but didn’t like any of them.   I mean the Lithium has been good for the Bipolar, and the Effexor XR  is for depression and anxiety.  I was diagnosed with stong mania so this drug really makes it worse. To me it causes more anxiety which initiates my manic-depressive.  I  don’t know about you – but why take something that makes your symptoms worse? The doctor told me it might help with ADHD.  That would be nice.  She forgot to tell me about the side effects/withdrawals.

I’m torn between getting off of Effexor X R or just take a very low dose.  I was taking 75 mg and now I just half the capsule.  The last count was 30 grains. 

I’ve been reading other people comments on WiseGeek.  You need to read it.  I had no idea what brain shivers or zapping was until I read it.  They are part of the withdrawal symptoms.

I’ll check later on my spelling and grammer – got to go now.

Related Articles

• Effexor and Major Depression (brighthub.com)

Bipolar: Back on my own again

 

My Guardian Angel - Astar

I’m taking a giant step in a few weeks.  I’m moving to North Carolina after living with my folks for two years taking care of the who have Alzheimer’s.  Doctors tell me I need to take care of me.  At the same time I’m slowing going to ween myself off Effexor XR.   I don’t know what’s worse the drug or going through security at the airport and being manhandled.  The last time I went they frisked me.  I did not like. My bipolar really kicks in at the airports.  I get mad…..I tried to maintain myself.

Anyway, the lord must be working his ways in me.  I have asked for this dream for a long time.  Since I’ve learned how to use my intuition I’ve learned how to work the rules.  I was looking for a cottage on Carolina Beach.  I had put an ad  on Facebook and boom not even a day went by when I contacted about a nice 3 bedroom cottage near the beach. All furnished only $675 a month!  I couldn’t believe it.  That’s about half of what I get from social security disability payments.  I just have to sell a lot of sunglasses and other product. 

While I am in Wilmington, NC , I was going to look for a permanent place to live.  My son, two grand babies live there and I want to watch them grow up before I get too old.  I’ve always wanted to be grandma and be close to my son. He’s my  only child and I need to be close to him.

Then a surprising thing happen. The same lady that I’m renting the cottage from called me to let me know they bought a house in the middle of town and  will be fixing it up just like their other houses and the rent will be the same or less.  It’s near the bus stop since I will have no car.

So far it looks good.  My life has never looked this good. I’m witing for the punch line I guess.  I just pray my Bipolar and weening myself from Effexor when be taken care of god since I’m putting him in charge of this.

Bipolar: Substance Abuse Linked To Suicide Risk In Vets

This subject bothers me.  Our men go to war and no one can understand what they see or how they feel unless that have been there.  It’s like bipolar – you don’t know what’s it like because you don’t have it.  But when it leads to suicide someone needs to take steps to stop it.  There have been too many suicides in our men and women.  Bipolar is an illness that is not to be forgotten about it needs to be dealt with.

Please read this article and see for yourself – via Bipolar, substance abuse linked to suicide risk in vets – The Chart – CNN.com Blogs.

Bipolar & ADHD: I tried, failed and it’s okay

Relax and Breathe

Yes,  my attempt failed.  When I take on a project it’s a challenge for me.  I decided I wanted to have my own website with a store and shopping cart to sell my sunglasses.  I’m tired of paying fees to eBay, and  felt I should at least try. I worked on it for two weeks until 2 or 3 am in the morning.  My mania was kicking in.  I think it’s my medication. On with the story.

Once, I told myself that I would never quit anything again. I remember my father telling me as I was growing up through my teens that I always quit. I never finish anything.   My dad was a very negative person and  had a way of making me feel like I could never do anything. I could never understand why he did that to me.

I use to be quick at everything I did.  I had a boss, Siva who was my mentor.  Siva was from Malaysia and our cultures were a lot different and we had  a discussion about it, because I was going crazy.  I told him I wasn’t someone you could push around, and we are equals.  He laughed.

One day he came up to me and said he needed a slide presentation on PowerPoint done  by the next morning.  I looked up at him and said, “What?”  I’ve never used PowerPoint, and to include graphics?  He just looked at me and said,” It’s time to learn.”  Where do I start?  While he was getting everything together I started reading about PowerPoint.  I worked on the presentation until it was time for the charts.  I went to Siva and told him there was no way I could do the charts.   “Yes you can, he said.  How are you going to know if you can do it unless you tried?  You don’t give up.”

I didn’t know what I was going to do!  I didn’t have time to really learn  just what I needed to know.  On the way to my desk I noticed the gentleman in the booth next to me working on a chart.  I faced humility and ask him for help.  I if he could just show me the basics on how to create a chart with graphics, I’ll attempt the rest.   I had him send me a copy of what he was doing so I could look at it.

I don’t know how I did it, but I did.  It was unbelievable!   Siva said, “See you did it.  You didn’t give up and found a way to get the job done.   How do you feel?”  I said, “I feel great as a matter a fact.”  I really did, I was very proud of myself, and so was he.  The next morning after the presentation he came to me and said in the meeting that morning people came up to him telling him the slides look greated.  My boss, actually told them that I did it.  He was very proud. We became very close.   Unfortunately, layoffs occurred and we lost touch. However, I still remember – “You’ll never know unless you try.”

Since, I got sicker and sicker until I finally came out of denial to seek help.  I finally found the right combination of medication – Lithium, Effexor, Trazodone and Lorespam.  I have some side effects from the Effexor – I’m not hungry as much,  I get a little anxiety in the evening, and I have more energy.  The pill is time release so it works more in the evening.

I gave up on the website I was doing  – I was staying up every night until the wee hours of the morning.  I didn’t want to stop – I had to get it done.  Then, I had a talk with myself – Vickie, this is not healthy.  It’s causing anxiety and stress and it’s not worth it.  That’s right it’s not and decided to try something else, slowly.  I’ve always jumped right into something without thinking about it.  It’s doesn’t hurt to give up on something when it causes stress.   But, spending money on things when you get this notion want to try something new stop and think, research, and see if  it’s really something you really can do.   I think it would have been wrong to make myself sick over something that I really could not do.   

I’ll come up with something.  I aways do.  Just Do Your Best!  Just because you have bipolar doesn’t mean the end of  things.  Pick something you’ve been wanting to do and try.  It’s okay to fail.