I watched the Patty Duke show in my early years when she ran track in school on the Patty Duke show. She was a fast runner in track and when she was at the starting line she could hear the beat of music, and know she could get to the finish line before anyone else.
Like Patty Duke in her show, I ran track myself and used the same principle. I knew if I just focused on the finish line and forget who was around me I could do anything. I could reach the finish line before anyone else. Running was the one run thing I knew how to do. Learning Math or English were not.
In 1968, while in High School my disabilities were more noticeable especially in English and Math. My parents knew I had a problem, but at that time, didn’t know what ADD or Bipolar were. I just thought I was stupid. Even the teachers made me feel stupid so needless to say I lacked self-esteem. I could read a page and by the time I’d got to the end the information had cleared my memory. Math gave me anxiety – could not understand it nor did I want to. I feared math so much I wouldn’t take th TASP to enter college.
Over the years I knew there was something wrong with me. My grammar and speech were different and was joked about. I couldn’t keep a relationship, because they thought I was crazy. In my later years – 40’s – 50’s, I couldn’t keep a job. The illness just got stronger – anger, memory problems, confusion, fatigue, and hallucinations. I always thought people were talking behind my back and would confront them with anger leading to dismissal. I couldn’t understand what was happening – I’d always been told by my boss I was the greatest. I was good at my job and always got projects done on time. What happen to that person?
I don’t understand why I got Bipolar other than what I’ve read – inheriting from someone in your family. Lately, I don’t remember things like buying something online and it showing up at my front door. Buying something at the store and finding it later wondering where it came from. I could lay something down like glasses and go to pick them and their not there. I’d go crazy looking for them. Then when I looked in the place where I thought I left them they would appear like magic. WHAT IS GOING ON!
I’m trying to figure out a system that will keep me out of trouble. There’s one thing I don’t want to forget and that’s picking up my little black Pomeranian at the airport on Saturday. He has been my angel through many bad times.
Like Patty Duke, I have Bipolar. She seeked medical treated and is doing very well today. That is why she is my inspiration. If I could meet one person in my life it would be Patty. I would love to sit down and talk about Bipolar and ask questions. I have a lot. If I could talk to Patty Duke it would be one of my dreams I could check off my list. Love you Patty.